Its been a few months since I lost both of my parents. The world has moved on like they never even existed. I’m starting to question my own significance or rather, insignificance, in this world. Anyone else feel this way?
4 Likes
Hi Ang2, I have been thinking like that. My brother died in February last year and I am the last one of my family now. Neither I nor my bother have any children. When I die, no one will ever know that we have existed.
Not a nice feeling! - Nick
Hi Ang2
I am so sorry to hear the loss of both your parents. I can only imagine how heartbreaking, that is for you. My mum died in February and I think I understand how it feels for you. For me it feels like people don’t talk about my mum or ask how am I doing since ive lost her! Definitely feels like the world has moved on and both my mum and i feel insignificant. I really feel for you as it is hard to believe that others just get on with their lives as if nothing has happened and you have this great big empty hole of grief.
Take care of yourself xx
2 Likes
Hi @Nick22 I’m sorry that you’re in such a difficult position. Life is a complicated journey as it is and then we have to deal with the grief journey at some point, which is so isolating.
I agree, it’s a horrible feeling to think that we’ll just be forgotten once we die. I know there’s no real answer but I have been asking myself constantly, what the h is life all about?
2 Likes
Hi @Shelly2 thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry for your loss (big hugs)
I agree, people just don’t like to bring up the subject again once the funeral is over. It’s as if we can just flick a switch back to normal, except, nothing will ever be normal again for us.
I guess we need to relearn to live a life that is totally different. The void is so terrible though. I keep wanting to phone my mum at the weekends as that’s when I usually call her but then reality hits hard in my face every time. I find myself asking, omg, is she really gone? Like, really??
1 Like
Hi Ang2
No problem it is good we have somewhere we can all share similar experiences of our grief. It can be hard to think that we will have a normal life again, because we have such a big void in our lifes, whilst everybody is living theirs as usual. I can only try and imagine how hard it is for you especially loosing both parents. I know what you mean about wanting to phone and have your regular chat. My husband I lived with my mum and its when we come home after being out, then it hits me thinking mum is no longer here, I cannot believe it!
My Dad died over 22 years ago and I remember that I thought I would never get over it, as I was very close to my dad. However as the years go on you somehow learn to live with it. I honestly dont know how, but you do. You never forget them and at some stage we will be able to have happy memories of our lifes with loved ones. xx
2 Likes
Puts everything it perspective
Have you ever thought about this?
In 100 years like in 2123 we will all be buried with our relatives and friends.
Strangers will live in our homes we fought so hard to build, and they will own everything we have today. All our possessions will be unknown and unborn, including the car we spent a fortune on, and will probably be scrap, preferably in the hands of an unknown collector.
Our descendants will hardly or hardly know who we were, nor will they remember us. How many of us know our grandfather’s father?
After we die, we will be remembered for a few more years, then we are just a portrait on someone’s bookshelf, and a few years later our history, photos and deeds disappear in history’s oblivion. We won’t even be memories.
If we paused one day to analyze these questions, perhaps we would understand how ignorant and weak the dream to achieve it all was.
If we could only think about this, surely our approaches, our thoughts would change, we would be different people.
Always having more, no time for what’s really valuable in this life. I’d change all this to live and enjoy the walks I’ve never taken, these hugs I didn’t give, these kisses for our children and our loved ones, these jokes we didn’t have time for. Those would certainly be the most beautiful moments to remember, after all they would fill our lives with joy.
And we waste it day after day with greed, greed and intolerance.
Anon
4 Likes
The real truth is no one really cares when you lose someone like your mum. It’s been my experience since I lost my mum nearly 7 years ago not even my partner who lost her mum cares about how I feel. Her and I have never been. United in grief it’s not want for trying. But you have a valid point in a hundred years we will be forgotten like we never existed. The world will have changed by 2123. Technology will surpass what we have now. I won’t care because I will be gone and I will be with my mum in a far better place than this horrible planet we live on
1 Like
I have that feeling as well, I’ve lost my Mum, Dad and my son all within 23 months. I think also everything I have worked hard for as a single Mum, has been a waste of time. I am very luck I have two houses, but they mean nothing to me. I have to re do my will and have no idea what to put in it, my property was all left to my son. I feel like no one will ever come to visit my resting place. I have my parents and my son in my back garden, but what will happen to me. Sorry doom and gloom xx
3 Likes
@MJG I am so so sorry for your losses and in such a short space of time. I can’t even imagine how much pain you’re feeling.
Please keep posting, we’re all here for each other xx
Thank you. I can’t explain the pain, I thought loosing my parents was hard, but my son…there are no words. The inquest is getting nearer, which panics me. I’m trying to do hour by hour but since last Thursday I’ve been worse. Cried myself to sleep last night and still crying. I e had some good days which I know can happen, but I feel drained. Thank you for being here for me xx
1 Like
True, there is people who care, talk to your your partner about how you feel because to be fair if my husband had not of cared how I felt I wouldn’t have been with him.
My partner does care and understands in his own way…but it’s not his son who has gone. I’m just feel I’m in a black hole at the moment and will be glad when I get a good day again. Thank you xx
1 Like
I have lost both my parents , Mother in law,sister,brother,brother - in- laws .But it does not compare to the lost of our beautiful son , that we held as a tiny Baby and we were both there when he came into this world
same here. but I have fine qualities to offer the world so that is what I focus on.
To answer the lead question, yes I feel this way.
Unless you leave a legacy of some sort, like being a famous inventor, no one will remember any of us in centuries to come.
With my Father already passed, when my Mother died it felt horrible getting rid of all the things she carted around with her all her life, like keepsakes and collections of ornaments. When the day came a British Heart Foundation truck picked up almost everything but the most sentimental stuff, bank accounts are closed and you feel sad at basically erasing records of someone being alive.
Then you start to question why? What is the purpose of life?
I stop myself and tell myself how important it is to live your best life whilst you are here, explore your creative side, take risks as they open up opportunities, make the most of the time you have here, enjoy life and embrace happiness.
Instead of asking what is the point of all this, just take a different view and say, well I am here, and I am going to enjoy as much of it as possible.
Grieving puts all positive thoughts out of the window for some time, you don’t see the point in getting up and every day is a long drudge, until you feel you may be able to move forward, but when you are ready take a different view and think where you would like to be in 12 months and work on making it happen.
Fill your future with love, happiness and laughter, everything else is just white noise.
1 Like
What if it’s impossible to fill your life with love etc. especially when you’ve had your whole life ripped apart by triple grief like I have. Not just my mum I lost my Nan and my partners mum who I treated like a mum and to lose my partner’s mum within a space of of 5 months my mum left me November 2016. I don’t feel I have anything to fill my life with love especially when I have a partner who understandably has a very busy life with her granddaughter and her own daughter and I feel as though I’m not important enough to my partner. I do understand how it is for her I’m very very patient but it’s an understanding on my part that goes so far. My head is telling me walk away and my heart is telling me you love her after 16 years together and no I’m not married to her. The issue for me is I so much want to be a proper grandad to her granddaughter she says I am but I’m not im more like nothing I’m not even part time. A grandad is full time she did call me grandad the other week and my heart sunk I literally cried my eyes out because she’s my world but if I have to walk it’ll crush me.
I am still suffering a terrible grief over losing my mum and her mum. I am convinced still does not comprehend how I feel deep inside and if it carries on I will walk away permanently and if she truly cares about my feelings she’ll change her ways or it is going to be goodbye
you might seek some counseling … do you think you might find love elsewhere? as it sounds as if love is very important to you. maybe she is not as sentimental. maybe she can’t be what you need. I see in some adults no ability to change. maybe a separation might help.
I am sorry to hear of the your losses I am a Buddhist and my beliefs have really helped me through the loss of my partner I suggest you look into this way of living It should help you a lot It’s unproductive clinging on to the past live in the moment The future will take care it itself
1 Like
@Ang2 I am so sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents recently. Dad a year ago mum 7 months later. I have felt like this especially as I watched my dad die a horrible undignified death in a hospital bed (not his wish he wanted to die at home but it was out of my hands) A big man worked from being 15 brought up a family then helped me raise my child. Reduced and helpless and what was it all for? I do think though it was all for love. The love lives on with those that matter that are left behind. Every day I am grateful for the love they both gave me. The last words my mum said to me were ’ I love you’ she had dementia and was telling a nurse to p**s off who was trying to give her medicine. She then turned to me gave me a lovely smile cupped my face in her hands and said I love you. At that moment my lovely mum was back and I am grateful for that. Her death was more peaceful, my brother was with her. He was holding her hand watching ‘Bargain Hunt’ I was going to visit that evening as I was in work. He didn’t even realise she had died. I think what I am trying to say is that it is for something it might be insignificant as far as the wide world is concerned but they mattered to you like my parents mattered to me. We matter to people, those people that matter to us. My Dad and I were obsessed with putting our family tree together and spent many happy hours on Ancestry and visiting country churchyards when he was fit enough. After his death I stopped doing it for a while but I am back at it now and it is strange I am interested in these people who went before. They are not famous but they are interesting to me. Their existence means I exist today and I won’t leave a lasting legacy, I am not famous I haven’t written a book but I know that I have mattered to people and at the end of the day that is all that matters, that we are significant to those that are significant to us.
2 Likes