In the past 41 years I’ve lost two of the people I’ve loved the most , my dad at 47 when I was 17 in 1978 and my younger son Nick in 2015 when he was 17. I find it easy to permanently. detach myself from.friends and family because not so deep down I have an urge to isolate myself .I have a fairly full life , I have friends , a job , money , go on holidays etc but I often feel like a bystander , looking in on myself in an interested and bemused way . Does anyone else feel like this ?
I certainly do. I am in a bubble looking at the outside world trying to be ‘normal’. I too have a fairly full life or as full as I feel comfortable with. I can mix and chat quite happily with anyone, not a shy person. But I also have that deep down urge to isolate myself. I can’t , or don’t want to go on holidays, it wouldn’t seem right without Brian. I have no wish to mix with people that I don’t know so don’t want to join clubs etc… My mother was reclusive in her later years and I now wonder if losing Brian will turn me into my mother. A recluse. I look at myself and wonder if the real me is now gone forever.