Does anyone else feel like this?

Hello everyone,

I am going through a very strange phase at the moment. I simply do not want to do anything. Everything seems like too much effort. I suppose I would describe it as sheer apathy. It’s been 8 months since my darling Dad died. I feel as I’m getting worse.

I had a real meltdown the other day after finally forcing myself to go out and plant some seeds on my vegetable patch. I was fighting it the whole time, didn’t want to do it (despite having enjoyed growing veg last year) and I ended up going in the house after about ten minutes and breaking down. I can’t understand why I don’t want to do such things.

Then came assembling some garden furniture (which I’ve wanted for ages!). I kept on putting it off, finally assembled it and now I feel like I don’t even want to sit outside.

I joined the gym last week and have committed my money to a personal trainer for a month, I feel like this was a stupid move. I wonder if I’ll even attend a session!

I don’t want a job, I don’t want to do voluntary work, I don’t want to go a walk. I hate cleaning my house. I am a real misery arse.

I am very fortunate that my husband is supporting me, however he works away 6-8 weeks at a time and I find myself counting down the days until he’s back. We have come to blows about him working away but the situation will not change, as much as I want it to. I have no friends in my town and no desire to go out and meet people. I used to love going skating, cycling, even walking… now, just don’t want to do it. Maybe it’s that I just don’t want to go alone.

I feel like I’m in a deep hole right now. I know I need to get some structure in my life for my own sanity but it’s just not happening.

Sorry this is quite a miserable post. Just wondering if anyone else feels like this, and is there anything that helps? Is it just a question of being kind and patient to myself? Sometimes I find a very small window when I feel motivated, like this morning I did some washing. But as the day goes on it wanes.

My counsellor says it’s “not about not doing anything” but doing little things and progressing and being patient. I feel bad that I can’t even do little things.

Sending love to everyone xxx

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Hello,

I feel the same after losing my mum in December and suddenly my partner in March.
The first few weeks I was busy sorting out the services and paperwork but now I can hardly get out of bed in the morning. Most things - housework, gardening and cooking are pointless now.

I wanted to buy a tee shirt 2 weeks ago, parked the car walked half way to M & S and turned round and went home! I finally managed to get there today.

The days are long, boring and pointless but I struggle to do anything to fill them up .

It’s hard to build a new life, my old life was everything that I wanted and as hard as try I can’t think of anything I want to do in the future. Work, voluntary work, studying - I’ve spent my last 46 years doing all these and don’t want to do them again. Our dog is my only reason for getting up and out everyday. Bless him!

Take care and I hope things get easier for all of us soon, J x

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Daffodil, I know exactly what you mean. My daughter took her own life nearly 18 months ago and now I’d describe myself as ‘Can’t be bothered’. I’ve got a lovely home, lovely husband, another daughter and a son, and 5 beautiful grandchildren but
I can’t motivate myself to do anything. I used to have lots of hobbies but can’t find the enthusiasm to pick them up again, I always had music playing but now it irritates me, yet I hate silence! I used to love experimenting with spices and different dishes but now our meals are pretty boring.

I hope it’s just a phase that has to be got through. The first 6 months I was in shock, on auto pilot, the next 6 months I was really ill and kept thinking I was going to die (!!) and now I just can’t be bothered, so I hope this is the next step. I think you’re right, be kind to yourself, be patient, and hold on to the hope that tomorrow will be better than today. Certainly this ‘phase’ is easier than the others I went through so I feel I’ve progressed, but oh to have the old me back!

I don’t know what the answer is except that if I wake up feeling positive and force myself to do something I do feel better, and I can look back on it and feel I’ve moved on. Certainly I now have more good days than bad relatively speaking. Maybe time is the only healer and we can’t rush what has to be gone through, but it must doubly difficult for you with your husband working away.

Sending warmest thoughts, Kathy xx

Hi I’m the same.My mum died last April and since then I’ve lost all enthusiasm for stuff I used to love doing.I just can’t be bothered anymore. I know my mum would be mad at me for being like this but I can’t help it.
Maybe in time it might come back.

Our daughter passed away 9 weeks ago after losing her battle with cancer. I’m the same, I don’t want to go out or do anything. I still have the cards we received up as taking them down will be admitting she is gone. I’m also so very angry , all the time. I just want to hit out at the world because it wasn’t me who died. I’m a parent , it’s not supposed to be this way.

Hello Daffidil, yes know exactly how You feel, lost My Husband 5 Werks ago & that apathy You talk about does just come onto out of nowhere, My Daughters feeling the same, now i just give in & rest, also understand how You have to push Yourself to get out & do jobs, Bereavement awful.

Hello all,

Everyday is unbearable, I lost everything when my partner died in March. Just starting our retirement together and everything we’d worked for and planned has been snatched away.
There is no point in anything now , bereavement is worse than awful. I’m so sorry for everyone going through this. J x

Hello everyone,

Thank you so much for responding to my post, I’m really grateful. I feel comforted to know that it’s not just me, although wish we all didn’t feel this way. I was beginning to think I was going mad!

I sometimes wonder, even though it has been a reasonable passage of time (although still very early days), I am putting too much pressure on myself to do stuff then I freak out when I don’t…yet the boredom is awful. Such a catch 22!

I wish I could have a dog, I think it would be really good for me, but I am potentially going to live with my husband next year so it wouldn’t be fair to get one then bugger off.

Sending you all lots of love and hugs.

xxxxxxxxx

Hi dalejackie,

I’m so sorry, I can’t even begin to imagine your pain, losing both your mum and your partner.

I totally understand all the busyness of funeral planning etc, and then afterwards, life just seems desolate.

I hope your t-shirt is nice :slight_smile: I find sometimes little purchases pep me up. I love going around Homesense. I keep looking out for a nice clock, it became a bit of a joke as it used to annoy my Dad that I didn’t have a clock in my lounge.

How do you spend your days? People keep telling me to get into tv series and just watch them all day but I just don’t fancy it.

Take care of yourself x

Hi Kathy,

What an awful time for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

I too hope it’s just a phase. I think we don’t give ourselves enough credit that what we’ve gone through is just huge and it’s going to take years to come to terms with it.

I hope your health has improved. After my Dad died I kept getting ill. I had a quinsy which I have never had in my life.

Yes, I think you are right that we can’t rush what has to be gone through. That’s my trouble, I just want to fastforward it!

I am hoping to move to be with my husband early next year. It means being away from my family but I think I need to be with him.

Lots of love x

Hi Joanna,

So sorry to hear about your Mum :frowning:

This loss of enthusiasm is so awful isn’t it? I know our loved ones who have passed wouldn’t want this for us, but then grief isn’t optional so they don’t get a say! lol. It’s such a rollercoaster.

I hope in time it will come back. Until then we have to be patient (sigh).

Sending hugs x

Dear Chele,

My heart goes out to you and I’m so sorry. It is such early days for you at the moment, you need your energy just to get through each day. Do you live with anyone?

Anger is completely normal. I too felt really angry at how unfair life is and if the doctors had have got to it sooner maybe my Dad could have lived.

Sending you so much love xxx

So sorry about the loss of your husband.

5 weeks is such a short space of time, you must be feeling really numb still and still in shock.

I think you are right to give in and rest, especially as it is so early on for you, you really need to take care and just focus on getting through the day.

Sending you lots of love xxxx

Thank You Daffidil, kind words & I know You are suffering so much Yourself too how are You at the moment ( right here right now) thats how we go on isnt it in the moment, dont know if anyone has this happen, when i have busy Days( at mo its mainly paperwork etc) or have to be out in lot of Company, the next Day is a tired cant concentrate Day, next Day ok again, send My love to You & everyone out there,
Struggling xx

Hi Chele
I still have the cards displayed nearly seventeen weeks after my partner died in February and also the Valentine’s cards we had exchanged, which were still up when he suddenly died. I can’t see the need to take them down and like you feel it would be a sign of acceptance I don’t feel.
Lynn