My darling fiance died almost 3 years ago. Ive stopped crying wveryday and some days even manage to laugh a little. Thing is, sometimes, like today when i heard one of our songs, i was whisked straight back to that first day of losing him. The feeling like i cant breath, the total devastation…the agonising pain. Does this ever stop?!
So sorry you’re still having bad days,
I feel exactly the same as you. It’s two years this Sunday that I lost my partner and the tears still fall over the littlest of things . I just can’t listen to some songs without bawling my eyes out.
I’m still waiting for the pain to ease, but it doesn’t seem like it ever will.
Take care xx
Im sorry for you. At least you understand , i wish you didnt have to though, because that means youre in pain too, if you know what i mean. Thats one of the hardest tgings, no body in my live can identify cos they’ve not lost a partner.
It’s awful isnt it! Its so tiring too. Everytime i think im getting there, something happens and its like im starting all over again…another fight back from the fog of pain and loss. Its so damn hard to refocus each time . Still we have to fight on, huh.
Hugs to you x
I lost my husband to cancer 3 months ago and i miss him so much he was 60 years old we were told after a year and a half that the chemo was not working and we was told he only had 6 months i was with him at the end i was holding his hand and talking to him then he said love you bye and he was gone
It will be ten weeks on Saturday I lost my beloved, suddenly at the age of 60. I find every day I’m getting worse. This life is so unbearable without her, she was the one that always kept me sane & now that’s gone. I don’t know how I am going to get through this, I’m on medication but even that doesn’t seem to be helping me anymore.
Hello, I remember how I felt at 10 weeks & it’s exactly as you describe, I’m over 3 years now & I can tell you it will get better, you will still be in shock & despair at the moment & the world no longer feels familiar, every day that passes now unknown to you your mind and body starts to adapt to the new “normal” however much we want to hold onto the life we had we can’t thats gone now.
For the moment all you can do is try and get through each day as best as you can, try and distract yourself, sleep if you want too, give yourself a treat each day that helps.
In the future your happy memories will be at the front of your mind, which will provide comfort to you, you’ll be able to look at photos and smile rather then the gut retching pain you feel now.
I know at the moment you don’t feel you’ll ever feel better or be able to cope but believe me you will.
I understand how you feel miss my husband so much and i feel the pain i am going through never stops every days the same i feel so lost without him
Im so sorry for your loss. Cancer is an evil illness and cant imagine how soul destroying it would be to watch your loved one slowly fade away. I lost my man without any warning. One minute he was there, the next gone. I wasnt with him either, so will always feel guilty for not being rhere, to help him or to hold him.
Life is so very cruel sometimes.
I cant imagine your pain to watch someone slowly pass. Im so very sorry for your loss. I cant offer words or wisdom or help , they all seem so pointless. At least there’s people here that understand your pain and total loss. I can never grasp how the while world continues to turn as normal, when my whole life is still upside down. I didnt have any medication as wasnt able to get help due to lockdown. I dont think anything can ever really help only time.
@Flower_garden Thank you, your words are giving me hope, sometimes I see others on here and they’re several years down the line and they feel the same which worries me because I can’t live with this pain or feeling for years, it’s killing me now xx
@Jewelscork has the pain & devastation softened with you?
No, its all still as strong. The loss and worse, the knowing I’ll never see him again still cripples me. I suppose the only thing that has got easier is the recovery from a lapse…when i have a breakdown. It maybe only a week or two to recover, whereas it used to be one or two months.
It’s nearly 20 months for me now and yet, it still seems like yesterday. The pain is not so raw but the tears still flow and I just miss him oh so much. All I do is get through each day as best I can and then sleep brings me some respite before I start again.
I’m like you, 3 years on … I don’t cry every day but certain things will set me off, I still find it difficult to listen to certain things, even watch certain tv programs that we’d watch together as they aren’t the same watching without him. I don’t think the pain ever stops you learn to carry it better. I was brave enough to sort some of his clothes out this week the ones that don’t hold any real sentimental value. I gave them to a neighbour for a car boot sale for charity. She said to me “it was good to see me moving on” that actually hurt & I wish people would consider their words … I’m moving forward with him not moving on from him, it’s a huge difference. There are certain things I could never part with, his cricket T-shirt & slogan T-shirt collection for a start. Take care xx
I don’t think those ‘moments’ will ever stop. I am also over three years on and I am living a busy life and not dwelling on my loss daily although I will never forget and still chat to him but I recently heard a song that my husband used to sing with the band. I remembered the first time I heard him sing it and although we wasn’t going out at the time he looked straight at me and winked. At that moment I was madly in love. Hearing that song sent me into a meltdown just as you describe. Just when you think you can cope with anything something comes along and knocks you flat. I doubt it will ever stop we just have to learn it is part of our life now.
Never a truer word said. Big hug.
Neither can I - for me it is so raw and seems hopeless x
It’s nearly three years for me now since my lovely husband died. I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn’t. The pain and loneliness is always there. The only thing that has changed is the fact that I have come to accept my life as it is, but it’s hard, especially when people expect you to move on by now. I miss him and love him so much and that will never change.
It’s very hard but in time you will learn to live with the pain & make a path for yourself. Your happy memories will make you smile more than cry eventually. I felt that despair & not wanting to carry on but then I thought of my family & friends & how my Derek would not want me to join him just yet. I live for him now & I take him with me. This poem by Donna Ashworth really helped me, please reach out on here you aren’t alone
Just coming up to 3 years since Viv passed away. I don’t think I have ever written a poem in my life (maybe primary school). It just came into my head one day and I had to write it down, it’s rubbish but shows how I feel.
I cant believe you left me, I haven’t got a clue
I still don’t know why but I know that I loved you
We had the best of times for 22 years
We can tell them all but nobody hears
All the holidays we did
All the looking after kids
It was my pleasure to do
And I tried to look after you, too
I guess I wasn’t good enough in the end
But my aim was to change and bend
I never knew what troubled you
And you wouldn’t tell me, too
So here I am living the rest of my life
And all I remember is when I made you my wife
What a day that was
So special because
Everyone was there
And nobody had a care
They were all happy for us to be together
I thought we would last forever
One day I will see you again
When I do it will ease my pain
I’m the one who has to regret
But you’re the one I’ll never forget
I think it helps to write down the things that suddenly pop into your head.