The love of my life died suddenly and unexpectedly I don’t know what to do
This is so hard, all you can do is take one day at a time. It’s very easy to want to give up but, as I do, we must remember how cross they would be if we gave up. I often think of Tom Hanks’ role in Sleepless in Seattle where he talks about his wife and how he’s dealing with everything: “Well, I’m gonna get out of bed every morning… breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out… and, then after a while, I won’t have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.”
I’m hoping that one day things will get better, even after 5 months, but at times it is very hard to be positive so we really just need to think of what they would have wanted us to do.
All you can do is survive one day at a time. After 8 weeks I am at the grief and depression stage and it is hard but I think the Tom Hanks quote is very relevant. Take ALL the help and support you are offered. You will need it. Accept you will melt down and howl. Give in to it. Don’t try and fight it. Be ready for physical manifestations of grief. Problems with motivating yourself to eat. We are all different and all the same.
Hugs xxx Sandra
What help and support
Help this is a very complicated website i don’t do technology my husbands dead
You are doing fine. Use the reply arrow at the bottom of any message if you want to reply to that person rather than just general. Your brain will be mush for a while. I keep sending empty e mails and I worked in IT for 35 years. Just don’t be frightened of it.
Support from your GP, family, friends, neighbours. You can request counselling via self referral on the nhs website. Try CRUSE if you can get through or MIND. Not all neighbours are the same. Mine are fantastic and I wouldn’t survive without them. Don’t know if you are a member of a church? If you are offered any help from anybody take it. When did your partner die? Mine died 8 weeks ago. The first weeks are spent registering the death, changing accounts, arranging the funeral and then it gets harder and lonelier but we must work through our grief as it is all we can do.
Hello @Pudding, are you feeling a little better today, I do hope so! These awful days suddenly attack us. Since scattering my dear husband’s ashes nearly three weeks ago, I have gone backwards, and had some dreadful days. Feel brighter today and going out for lunch.
Your response to @Ragdoll was excellent and I hope she can take some help and comfort from it.
Hello @Rome18 I do feel better today. I still feel absolutely exhausted and in the edge of tears but did an online web chat with MIND last night which calmed me down also spoke to sister in law this morning. They are doing the best they can from such a distance. Suggested I speak to the rector that officiated at my husbands funeral. I am mulling it over. We had to twist the tail if the system a bit to get her. My husband wanted a Christian ceremony. Officially it should have been the local rector but he was high church which my husband would have hated. As an ex merriott parish councillor I could claim a previous relationship with merriott rectors who are lovely and it was a lovely service but I am not really religious and don’t really know them. Thanks for your thoughts and that you too have a better day. Xx Sandra. Pudding was my husbands nickname for me
I understand that in the early days peoples’ feelings are very raw but my comment was only made to try and help someone. I have been really upset and offended so have decided to step back from this site for a few days. I suffer greatly from both anxiety and depression and so am easily upset by peoples’ comments.
I liked your comments and reference to Tom hanks. I thought it was very appropriate. The response was probably a little harsh from someone who is raw. Please come back. Hugs xxx sandra
I, too, liked your reference to Tom Hanks. I found it very appropriate.
Please don’t take anyone’s comments to heart and be upset. Though, I can understand how you feel. We are all trying to support and help one another.
Sending hugs x
Hello Sandra, so much for not feeling so bad this morning. Just been out to lunch with my friend Sandra and, wow, the black cloud came over me. I think it was seeing so many couples eating together where Richard and I used to go.
Back home now with the tissue box.
Sending hugs x
You just can’t tell how the day will go. It can start fine and by the end of the day you are in total despair. Xx sandra
Hi Sandra. Despite going through this terrible suffering of grief and your mobility issues, you are amazing and so strong sorting out ways to help you. Your husband would be so proud of you.
I always liked helping people so I try to focus on others. I don’t feel strong I feel a complete wreck but I have to move forward. Xxx
So sorry if I’ve offended anyone I’m all over the place. Just need to talk i am a bit gobby
It’s guineapig you need to apologise to. I think we understand the feeling. If you need to vent this is the place.
We all understand, life is very difficult, such early days for you. I hope you saw @Pudding’s post where she gave some very good advice for support.
After 28 weeks without my dear husband, I am still suffering very badly some days, even today when I was feeling better earlier on, I am feeling the black cloud over me.
Just take an hour/day at a time, look after yourself.
Sending hugs xx
No i am more interested in you lot perhaps you need shaking up