@Flotsom
Dear Flotsom
I don’t think that it ever gets easier but somehow you learn to adjust and live a different life.
I am now almost nine months without my lovely husband. This week has been a good one, I have been busy, not cried much and felt a kind of happiness and peace. I put my house on the market, something we were going to do before my husband passed, and have found a place I like, I have been feeling excited.
Today, wham, big time grief again. I have cried on and off all day, the pain is back, not as bad as it was at first but my heart feels heavy. I am supposed to be going to a friend tonight but have cancelled as I am too emotional, yesterday I was looking forward to going and planning what to wear.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that it never goes away. Yes, you can find joy and happiness, you will go out again and enjoy yourself, you will have good days or even weeks but the grief will be waiting to re surface somewhere along the way. You need to go with the grief, cry when you need as it is supposed to help with the so called healing process. Also, as I have found out, never compare your grief to someone else, as we all grieve in our own way. There is no right or wrong way.
It is very early days for you and I send you strength and hugs. xx
My amazing husband who I was with for 57 years (married for 54) died just over three years ago and I feel no better now than I did then. I have a wonderful family that I see often, no money worries and a beautiful view from my window but it means nothing without him. I feel ungrateful for saying that but I can’t help it. He was so handsome, kind, loving and lots of other wonderful things and I just can’t begin to feel happy without him.
Yesterday, I took the bull by the horns and tried to sort his memory box out. Such a heartbreaking job, going through his treasures but I figure it’s not fair to leave it to our daughters when I’m gone. We both kept souvenirs of things in our marriage, and had a box each. My goodness, it was heartbreaking and I really suffered going through it and seeing evidence of the happy times we had together.
What really finished me off was a poem he had kept.
I should give a bit of background here. We first met when I was just 15 and he was 21. He was the son of a lady who ran a club I went to and was home for the weekend from his job away. I instantly fell in love but he was out of my reach as I was too young and he was engaged. I never forgot him, wondering how things would have been had I been older and he had been free. (I wished!) To my delight, three years later when I was 18, we accidentally met when I bumped into him in town. By this time, he was unattached and to cut a long story short, my dreams came true and we were together from that day until the day he died.
The poem? It’s by Patience Strong and it’s called ‘Fancy’. I can’t find it on the net but here’s a bit of it - the bit that applied to us on the day we found each other again……
‘Fancy on this great big planet running into you!
Fancy finding after all dreams really do come true.
Fancy out of all the millions in the world today - discovering the very one.
That you should come my way was something that I knew was no mere chance, for instantly
I knew it was that strange thing they call affinity…………’
That isn’t all of it, but it’s probably too long for here. It was so appropriate for Tony and me though.
I always think of us all on here being so sad. It’s awful when you are dying inside and can’t stop feeling that way.
Love and hugs to all,
AnnR x
PS Apologies. This isn’t really on the right thread. Please ignore if you wish!
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Apologies - this isn’t really on the right thread! AnnR
I keep thinking that. I cannot do another 30 years of this. And I won’t. There will come a time when I have had enough and will have to do something about it.
Please take care of yourself. It’s an awful thing that is happening. And especially with your soul mate going at such a young age.
Don’t you dare think like that my wife has been gone now for 9months i also thought that way it has now passed but still have a cry daily xxx
Im sure you wont do another 30 years of this … something will happen and it will get easier im sure xxx
@Flotsom it will be 15 weeks tomorrow since I lost my husband of nearly 35 years. He was 67. I certainly don’t feel as bad as I did in the early days. I’m even managing to do things with friends and family. But like you say perhaps we just get better at distracting ourselves. I can mostly cope if I’m busy and distracted. Although I have less meltdowns and deep despair than I did I have a real deep sadness that is with me 24/7. Maybe this gives a glimmer of hope that we will always have a deep sadness for our loss and forever love our partners but be able to distract ourselves from the greatest pain and despair?
@AnnR a lovely poem and a lovely post in tribute to your husband.
Who cares if you’re in the right thread or not. I have always posted when I wanted where I wanted - I don’t think there are hard and fast rules we just plod along sharing our thoughts and our feelings. It’s been over two years for me since I lost my darling husband and there’s not a day goes by when I don’t think or have a little cry about him. One thing I have promised myself is that I will live the remainder of my life the best way I can. John would be so disappointed if I didn’t. So much love to all of you on this journey none of us chose.
Georgina
@Jan17 How you have described your feelings are very similar to how I feel now I’m three years 6months on from losing my wife and soulmate of 27 years. Perhaps the heartache never leaves us, we just find ways to distract ourselves from thinking about it.
Wishing you well on this journey none of us ever wanted to be on.
Thank you. He was worth it!
Thank you x
Thank you Georgie x