ah @collierd1 yes agree we take things for granted and we don’t know if we will ever be abler to replace what we had with our partners. My Paul was a darts, football loving old punk - my perfect man.
@Lex1 keep strong its early days. This site has helped me understand things a lot. I think it helps to keep busy and you both have kids to think of. My stepdaughter is doing a half marathon for Home - Jeremiah’s Journey she is at uni in Plymouth where it is based bless her. Take all the support you get and don’t worry too much about those who aren’t as forthcoming.
hope it helps to chat x
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Hi nik
He sounded like a good man you to stay strong and feel free to message me.
Good luck and many thanks
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Hi @collierd1 just checking in. How is it going over the long easter weekend?
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Morning nikfabs
Been tough always find weekends difficult.went to my sisters yesterday and some family turned up. Spoke to my aunt who is the only person I know who has lost their partner she said the same you can have as many people around you but you just feel alone. Hope you are ok ? .
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Hi @collierd1
Our timings in this journey are very similar. My wife, Sonia, was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on December 8th and passed away on March 11th aged 51.
We didn’t have kids so the house is very quiet now, but it does mean I don’t have to pretend I’m ok. My cats are a great comfort though.
Sonia’s funeral was last Monday and I went back into the office on Wednesday. That did help as it gave me something to focus on.
I find walking to be a great comfort, I talk to Sonia as I walk, and the fresh air also helps.
I’ve also forced myself to stick to a normal routine, drink plenty of water, eat three proper meals (even if I didn’t fancy anything) and (apart from the wake) avoid alcohol.
Weekends are the hardest for me so I’m trying to make sure I have things arranged. I went to a car show in Newbury on Good Friday and bumped into a few mates there, then met some fellow Mustang owners for a pub lunch in Devizes yesterday.
I was supposed to be with Sonia’s family today, but they all have a nasty bug so wasn’t sure what to do, but my neighbour and I are going for a walk this afternoon.
None of this fixes anything, or makes it easier to come home to an empty house, but these little trips out all help.
I will be thinking of you. This group is full of one people who will be a real help as you’ve found.
I’d also recommend finding a local in person support group as that has really helped me.
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Hi mustang
Yes are stories sound very familiar. So sorry for your loss I fully appreciate what you are going through. Yes keeping busy is all we can do I agree but in the early days all you are kept busy with is the process after someone passes so constantly reminder’s every day. You mentioned something about local group what’s that please ?
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@collierd1 have a look on the main Sue Ryder site for “Grief Kind”. There are the in person groups. Now, Sue Ryder are in the process of pulling out of supporting these directly to save money, but the one I go to near Reading will continue, as I suspect will many others, just under different names.
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Thank you mustang will have a look.
Have a good day
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I belong to a local bereavement support group. Although we meet only once a month, it really does help me.
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it is so helpful to talk to people who have been through the same
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I also attended a bereavement group held a local church. I also found it helpful. I always come out feeling so much lighter. It’s also he’d once a month.
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Hi Hun do sorry for your loss . sending hugs 
The answer to your question I lost my partner on the 5th January and still hurts 
I don’t think anyone ever gets over losing there soulmate and I don’t think it ever gets better better but you lurn to deal with the it becomes less unbearable and you laugh again and feel sad for laughing but it gets easier to laugh again my point is.
You will get to a point where you can breathe just take one day at a time x
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Thank you love
I am so up and down I know people carry on but just feels so hard at the minute. The weekend was awful and today at work isn’t much better.
I have to have hope that one day I smile again.
Thank you
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Collierd1…..we are all here for you. You are not alone.
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I’m only 160 days in since loosing me son and can honestly say it’s not any better it’s harder I walk around all day with fake smile on night time worst when everyone’s in bed and my sorts ready relax then I’m crying going over everything the what ifs the why me my brain never stops every day feels like same heart ache over again wish I could say gets easier but it hasn’t for me miss me son so much give anything to see him or hear him sending hugs form uk
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So sorry for your loss. I am only at the start of this awful journey but I don’t feel I will get any better. I hope time heals and you find some happiness.
Many thanks
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I’m sorry for your loss! April 14th will be one year since I came home and found my wife had passed. In some ways it’s better but in many ways it’s worse. Not a very good answer to you but it’s the truth, I’m lonely and sad without her, I’m 65 and single!
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Your response brought tears to my eyes as you nailed it! April 14th will be one year since I found my wife dead. ( People don’t like the word dead but that’s what it is). I’ve gone through this completely alone and it’s getting to me. Thanks for your words
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I found my son asleep after nightshift my world fell apart how can a 28 year old man fall asleep and not wake up I will never get answers it’s always on my mind wish he never worked that night wish he been in accident or something mean that’s not any better but at least I would have something I’m dreading when comes October and it’s been year as it still feels like yesterday I then have his 30th birthday in November and my mam be 4 years in November it’s so hard this page helped me as nobody wants talk about him as they think there making me sad but love hear stories of him cause in real world it’s all I have left if knew I’d only get 28years with him I’d made everyday count more I’m lucky I seen him before he passed and got kiss him and tell him I loved him just wish never went sleep life so cruel it really is
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Hello everyone, and I’m so sorry you’ve lost someone precious to you.
Does it get easier? Yes
Does time heal? No.
Although it seems “easier”, I think that is due to the amount of time that has passed. Similar to a deep wound that needed stitches and treatment, once it’s totally done with you naturally ponder it less as time goes by.
As for “healing”, grief doesn’t feel like it will ever heal. Thinking of them can still bring tears to my eyes, and smells, sounds and items take me immediately back in time - and with the time that’s passed, I go to happy memories rather than the bad.
The best way to carry on is to accept that their death took a part of you with them, and now life will be as it is - without them. Loss changes you, misery can drain you, but you are still a human being who deserves to go foward and feel happiness, joy and love again. But it will be different. We all change throughout our lives and, although loss is a brutal change, we can manage this change too.
What I have learned is…..Talk to your family and get any questions answered…..Tell people you love them so they know…..Be prepared for the Bad Days (kids pick up, freezer meals etc) because you don’t need that guilt on top of grief…..Use the self-awareness you will gain from this devastation and listen to your brain and body - self-awareness may be the only ‘benefit’ that you gain from this…..Go to your GP if need be, and take the meds he advises - it may not be for long…..Use any support offered - you’ll need it…..and finally, be in nature - use every sense you have to immerse yourself in it, relish it - the peace we can gain (however long) is worth the effort.
I truly wish you all the very very best - stay truthful, open and kind…you’ll get there.
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