does it get easier?

Hi my name is donna im new to all this iv never posted anything before so ere goes im going to give it a try
I’m 28 and recently lost my mam to cancer she had been fighting for many years. She had breast cancer first then secondary breast cancer in the liver. I find it hard without her. And not only I had to watch my mam suffer my dad has MS and watching him getting worse after loosing mam is upsetting as they say stress and bereavement can make the symptoms worse for him. I just wished I had a healthy mam and dad but I was told when I was 16 that dad had MS and I was 20 when mam was diagnosed so I just feel I dont know anything else cz thats how life was for me… iv grown up with things like they wer but when I look back I wish I had it easier

Hi Donna. Glad you posted :slight_smile:

To answer your first question - yes, it does get easier. But there’s no right or wrong way to handle stuff like this and no defined length of time that it should take. Everyone’s different. What we know though is that talking about it does help and can make things easier to handle - so well done for sharing on here and trying something new :slight_smile:

It sounds like a terribly difficult time for you. Coping with someone dying alone is normally hard enough, but add in your Dad’s MS too… I can’t imagine how hard that must be.

It’s true that you don’t know anything else, having had to deal with an MS and cancer diagnosis in the family at such a young age. It’s a lot to take on and deal with for anyone at any age… It’s completely understandable that you wish you had it easier.

What immediately springs to mind for me is whether you make enough time for yourself? A lot of younger people feel like they have had to grow up pretty quickly in situations like this and can feel they missed out on things - which is totally an ok feeling to have. Doing things to take a break and allowing yourself time to just be you can really help you get your head in order, relax and take stock of what’s going on. Do you do anything like this at all? And do you have help and support around you with all that’s going on?

Have a read of the other posts from people on here. If you join in their conversations, you’ll find that talking and sharing will help. Hopefully people will see what you’ve written here too and offer their take and advice for you.

Thank you for your reply
I do try to make time for myself…I have a wonderful husband who is supportive but he told me last week that I do snap at him sometimes and i didn’t realise I was doing it so I suppose it’s hard for him cz i want him to have all the answers but deep down I knw nobody has…but he helps me with dad and he was close to my mam aswel they got on really well and I miss how we all did things together even the little things like going over to my mams for tea
I am lucky that I have support around me I have a good group of friends thats always there for me but even when in with my friends enjoying myself the worries still there and I just carry on like norma I juat find it hard to carry on as normal cz it takes a lot of energy to just carry on with day to day things. The only thing I find hard to believe that it will get easier cz uts like im scared of what is going to happen next in life

I was 17 when my Dad died and he was ill for years before he died and I had to grow up pretty fast, being the eldest sibling, I felt like I had to be strong. although I loved my Dad more than anything and I hated seeing him ill and I still hate not having him with me. it never goes away, but it does sort of get easier, in time.