Does it get worse with time?

Hello everyone,

I have been reading a lot of posts in the community and many people mention that even after a long time they are feeling worse than ever. It’s quite disheartening to hear so I would like to ask for your personal experience.

Thank you
Gigi x

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Hello Gigi

It’s been 5 year since my husband died out of the blue then 9 months later my mum passed
I have never grieved for my mum I think it was so close to my husband dying my body couldn’t cope with another death

The beginning of this year I was in a very dark place to the point of not wanting to be alive
It shocked me how down I was after 5 years
The issue is when you have loved someone so much and they were your soul mate the love of your life for over 25 years and then they are gone
How are we meant to cope ? There are no answers

We all have our own coping mechanisms
If I’m in a bad place i find it easier to stay away from friends and family I don’t want to upset them and a lot don’t understand why you are sad
Then when I feel in a better frame of mind I start to see them again

I do have a good life I laugh enjoy things as best as I can but the heartache never leaves you

I so hope you don’t feel like this 5 years on but we are all different I try to think if it was the other way and I had died I would hate him to feel like this so this spurs me on to try be more positive and live life as best as I can without him

I wish you all the best Gigi xx


Hi Gigi: my husband died 6 mos and 7 days ago. I am sorry to say it is getting harder. We were married 52 yrs, together for 57. So I have no clue as to how to continue without my precious husband. We had no children. We were extremely close. True soulmates. I am in a grief group, wonderful people. Is it helping? Well helps to be with people that understand this agonizing pain we are going through. But there are folks that lost their loved ones 10 yrs ago, 6 yrs ago, 5 yrs ago. So I look at them and think will I still be coming to this group in 10 yrs? I think it is feeling comfort with one another. No stupid comments from people that just don’t get it. (I’ve had plenty of those). Anyway, it is an emotional struggle for me everyday.
Peace and love, Karen

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I am sorry for your loss.
Yes, my experience is that it has got worse. It’s two and a half years since my wife of 45 years passed and each day seems full of sadness and an empty feeling. I have often thought that if this is the future I would rather live in the past. People around have been supportive but my interest in many things just seems gone. We did things together and those times ended. I find it difficult to just get through each day. There are tears and a feeling of desolation. I know this is not the same for everyone, people grieve differently. Having been together 50 years in total, doing things alone gives me no satisfaction. Counselling has helped in the first year, various services have been helpful, such as the text service operated by the lovely people here , but the pain is like a constant ache. The loneliness is like a weight on my shoulders.
Some people say time heals, maybe for some it does, I don’t feel that.