It’s been four weeks since I lost my partner completely out of the blue. The first two weeks I became obsessed with life after death despite not really giving it much thought before. I sat here sobbing uncontrollably absolutely begging him to show me he was still around. It’s been four weeks now and I still haven’t had anything. That answers my question for me. I know he wouldn’t watch over us like this and not let us know that he was ok. He worried about me and his family more than he ever worried about himself and I know in my heart if he could let us know he was OK he would have.
I was obsessed with going to see a medium too, then I found out the Fox sisters who started the spirituality stuff all them years ago admitted later it had been a hoax. I watched things online where people pretend to be mediums say lots of vague things about “a spirit” and because the stuff they say could apply to many people the spirit always gets claimed. One guy had a reading and the guy pretending to be a medium said two things that made no sense then the “medium” mentioned the guys gran was there and was proud of him, not hard to guess that a guy in his forties would have a dead nan, the guy immediately forgot about all the wrong stuff and was so happy that his “nan” had come through I no longer have a strong urge to go to a medium.
I did contact my local spiritualist church who are meant to be getting back to me with availability for their learning spiritualists to do a one to one reading but if they don’t get back to me I don’t know if I’ll remind them or contact them again. I think too many people play on our vulnerability. We are desperate people who desperately want to believe our loved ones are still out there somewhere. I’ve heard them called grief vultures and I think I agree with that.
I never gave it any thought at the beginning until people I know recommended going to see one and they have said the mediums provided them with evidence by saying they mentioned something only they would know. I’d really like to think there’s a real possibility in seeing all our loved ones again though. I mean what is the point in life and having feelings if it’s all meant to just stop once you pass? Also I’m very sorry to hear that you have lost your other half and if there’s any chance of him connecting with you, I hope he does it soon! People say we have to be ready, we may feel ready but aren’t actually, I don’t know x
You sound exactly like me, you’re right why are we put on this earth to experience such intense emotions if they’re meant to stop completely in the end. Pretty pointless if you ask me!
There’s absolutely nothing in this world I want more than to think I’ll see him again one day but I have had no signs whatsoever. If there was a way he could let us know he was OK he would have, I know he would have. I also had no signs when my mam died.
I agree with you, what’s the point in life, feelings, love, death, hurt and illness. The world is such a senseless cruel place but that doesn’t necessarily mean something has to come after it. There’s nobody who wants to believe in an afterlife more than me but I know it’s all too easy to clutch at things when I’m desperately looking for a sign.
I hope more than anything I’m wrong
Pointless, cruel and senseless I agree but just because it’s pointless doesn’t make me feel like there’s anything else.
I think this world is just a random, senseless and cruel place.
Someone did say to me that grieving and anger can make it harder for a loved one to connect, but I’m all new to this, I’m going to keep trying though x
I agree, I’ve never really wondered what the point in life is until I lost my partner then I become obsessed with the point of life. Perhaps there really isn’t one. Perhaps it’s all just pointless.
It’s fair to say that my emotions are everywhere now but I still haven’t had any signs off my mam and she died sixteen years ago. I also truly believe she would have let me know she was ok if she had the chance to. She died of cancer so she knew she was going to die, she believed there was something after death and told me she’d watch over us and let us know she was around. She never has. I didn’t really think much of it over the years but now I really feel like she couldn’t let me know she was around because she wasn’t
I’ll still go to see a medium if the local spiritualist church gets back to me but it would take something big and personal to make me believe now. If I think they are talking nonsense or throwing lots of vague things out there I think I’d find it hard not to get annoyed with them. We are going through the hardest times of our lives so to exploit us for monetary gain just doesn’t sit right with me.
A girl I know is doing card readings, she’s literally bought a pack of cards online called messages from Heaven cards and has started to do readings for others
I totally understand where you’re coming from, I have mixed feelings on the matter but yeah some are con artists but what if there’s truly someone who can communicate with the deceased? I think it’s totally worth exploring! Have you never had a dream about them? Could it be possible we don’t get many signs because it is hard for them to reach us with being in another lets say dimension, you just never know! Maybe they don’t want to come back to this horrible world cause they are truly somewhere a lot better. I live in hope x
I don’t think it’s a case of him or my mam not wanting to come back. I know they would both let me know they were around if they could, my partner especially. There’s absolutely no way he would leave me suffering like this if he could let me know he was around, not a chance. He knew how much his mam wanted to know if his dad was OK when he died. He’d know how much it would mean to let us know we’ll see him again.
Yes I’ve dreamt of my mam a few times and the odd snippet of my partner but I think that’s because they are on my mind. My partner has been on my mind from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to sleep for the four weeks he’s been gone so it would be natural that he pops up in my dreams. I often dream about lots of random people, some I barely even know. I’ve even had a girl who works in my local poundstretchers pop up in my dream before now, she only served me once I remember thinking at the time how odd it was to have her appear lol.
I hope I’m wrong I really do. I just feel like if there really was an afterlife and they could let us know they were OK we wouldn’t need to question it or hope there is because we desperately want there to be. We would just know
Oh I’m sorry I don’t know what to say anymore because what you’re saying is making me doubt things again. I feel so lost and confused. I don’t want to believe that I’ll never see my mum again at all
I don’t want to make you disbelieve. If believing helps you through this then you’ve got to find comfort where you can. I desperately want to believe too but I can’t just believe based on other peoples stories, I need to experience something for myself first. Hopefully one day I won’t just believe, I’ll know but until then…
I’ve felt the exact same way which is why I am having an hard time believing it myself to be honest. I to feel that I need some evidence. If I ever see a medium I’m not giving anything away cause then I’ll truly know what’s what then. I do worry I’ll see someone though and leave disappointed but sometimes it’s better for me to learn for myself. I’m really struggling to cope at the minute and actually feel like the sadness is killing me, it’s hard to explain but it’s so intense it’s putting me in physical pain it’s simply awful.
I know exactly what you mean about the sadness and actual physical pain. I’ve been having chest pains for a while now, I don’t know if it’s all the crying or acid reflux. My head has felt full of pressure since he’s gone too. There’s a few physical symptoms that I’m having. It’s crazy what grief does to your body.
If you do go to see a medium make sure there’s no way they can scour your Facebook profile beforehand and be wary of any friend requests you might receive after booking your appointment. I’m still waiting for my local spiritualist church to get back to me but my Facebook is private and I don’t share a lot on there about my personal life anyway. Some people share so much publicly on theirs that even I could convince them I’m a medium if you gave me half hour to look through their posts.
My facebook is private to and I don’t say much on my profile anyway. And yes I’ve had the chest pains and the fuzzy head and I get so frustrated with it as well, it’s almost like something you need to release but can’t? That’s the only way I can explain it!
What’s upsetting me is that I feel this way and all I want is my Mum and she obviously can’t be there for me
In fact I have had to have a ECG test cause the chest pain were worrying me so much and it came back fine but my heart still continues to hurt.
They say it get better in time but I feel I’m getting worse by the day, I’m so completely lost it’s unreal.
Part of me wonders why I even bothered getting my heart checked now, when I find life so pointless anyway
I do feel like I don’t want to be around sometimes but please don’t mistake what I’m saying as me contemplating bad things, as I could never do anything like that to my family!
It’s just so incredibly hard right now and I am due to go back to work soon, going to put in another sick note but know I’ll have to go back at some point. I’ve been unhappy in work for a long time to so that certainly worries me about going back too soon!
Oh bless you. You sound exactly the same as me. I often think I don’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t bother worrying about my chest pains, I couldn’t help but lie here thinking if it was anything serious it would solve a lot of my problems. Like you I wouldn’t actually do anything about these feelings, I’d be too scared that something would go wrong and I’d end up surviving with serious consequences. I also know exactly what you mean by feeling so completely lost.
It’s horrendous but hopefully in time we’ll find a way through.
I was 21 when my mam died, I’m 38 now. I hadn’t long met my partner when she passed but he was so supportive and always there when I needed a cuddle. I’m dreading going back to work as well, I’ll probably go back first week of May so it would have been six weeks. I don’t know how I’ll be but I need a reason to get up and out again. I struggle to get out of bed some days. I feel like I need the routine again. It’s hard to imagine a life without our loved ones but unfortunately we are the ones left behind who have to try and carry on I hope you find a way to get through your loss x
I’ve been off for a month so far but within all that time I’ve become her executor unfortunately so had a lot to sort out with being her next of kin and I had to arrange her funeral with no financial help. Had to set up a go fund me and set up a payment plan. I did my best for her send off!
I have also had to deal with phone calls with the coroners who have yet to find the cause of death which I’m sure has made me suffer from ptsd, it’s honestly been so traumatic!
First they said they had taken blood and urine samples, then told me they’d be doing a CT scan which I was certain they’d find the cause but to my horror they never found anything, so obviously I had to listen to the news that they’d had to do a limited post mortem and this deeply upset and scared me. In my mind I just wanted her back so I could finally put her to rest it just haunted me knowing they were keeping her body and doing what they pleased with it for all that time. They also said the blood and urine samples can take up to 8 weeks and the post mortem results can take up to 12!!
Also to my total dismay when I received her interim certificate it had the date of death on there and the date the investigations started and it was a bloody week later! I’m outraged and feel if they pulled their finger out, we could have got answers with the ct scan alone and could have avoided all this unnecessary heartache.
I just feel so sad beyond words, it’s killing me. I’m 32 and can’t believe I don’t have a Mum anymore and I was going through a hard time before she went and she was there for me and was constantly asking how i was doing and that. Not in a million years I thought I’d be losing her in a matter of weeks after all this.
It’s killing me thinking about her dying in her house all on her own to, I really hope she wasn’t aware it was happening, I can’t bare the thought of her being scared and alone. I can’t get the image out of my head of her lying there dying, it’s seriously haunting me.
Oh Jess My heart breaks for you it really does. Do you have any family who are helping out and supporting you? It’s such a lot for you to have to deal with at your age. I was lucky that I had my partners family to help with everything, if it wasn’t for them I dread to think the state I would have been in because I can barely get out of bed most days let alone deal with sorting everything else out too. His family make the appointments and plan what we need to do then I just show up. Having them stops me burying my head in the sand because I’m not strong enough to do it all myself. I hope you have some suport.
Yes the waiting on post mortem results is horrendous. We only had to wait two and a half weeks and that was long enough. I also hated the thought of what they were doing to his body although I understood they needed to do one. The family needed answers too😭
I don’t really know what else to say. It’s not easy living without your mam. I wish I still had mine too. This world is so unfair, I see people in their 60"s who still have their parents and partners around and then there’s us going through this. Life is cruel
I no longer have a strong urge to go to a medium.
x
I remember thinking at the time how odd it was to have her appear lol.
