Lizzie 1918
Been 8 months since hubby died I still cry a lot I really hope it settles down a but in the future 3 words still describe how I feel all the time Sad Lonely and Scared what is future going to bring
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@Lizzie1918
This is new territory for most of us and we don’t know what the future holds for us.
David Kessler, the American Grief Counsellor, says what we are feeling now will not last indefinitely. The feelings of pain, sadness and regret for the life we lost will, in time, be replaced by feelings of happiness, love and gratitude for the life we had.
We just have to hope he’s right.
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I hope so thanks for replying
I think we are all just at whatever stage we are at. I don’t think random tears are an issue! You will ‘progress’ at your own pace. The important thing is to take care of yourself but allow yourself to feel and grieve. x x
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That sounds like a good way to connect with him x x
Its been 2 and half years since my husband unexpectedly passed away we had been together from age 17 he died age 59 , its been and still is a hard journey without him i had grief counselling i just didnt want to carry on without him Dr put me on Sertaline tablet which help abit but i still have bad days and cry , when we loved someone so much most of us carnt just draw a line under it and move on ,
But things are getting easier as time passes my counsellor told me that nothing wrong with crying its a big part of grief journey
To be honest its not that easy for most of us im struggling i dont know how to make a life worth living without my husband we were soulmates did everything together im trying to but its hard all my friends have still got husbands i do go for coffee with them every few weeks but all they talk about is plans they got with husband’s and complaining about them sowhats have you done to make a new life
For me, the frequency of crying reduced most significantly about a month after the first anniversary.
The impact of constantly thinking about the passing reduced after about 16 months. I think about it less frequently, and it’s less painful. This isn’t to say it isn’t frequent or painful. It is to say it has less impact or can be better controlled. It’s far from rosey. But i suppose it could be called an ‘improvement’.
Hi Matt1,
I agree with what you just wrote.
The raw crying fits, of not being able to breathe because of crying has eased for me and after almost 3 years I feel I can manage the crying much better. I still cry when something triggers me and that heartbreaking feeling is still there but I can control and manage it better.
It’s learning to live alongside grief and that includes the crying ,the overwhelming sadness and the longing to see the person again.
I have managed it by having a range of distractions for times it gets too much. For example at night if I cry I get up immediately and find something to do, if I am out and start crying I carry a funny photo of mum in my pocket, if I meet someone and they say something that triggers me I say I have to dash as have someone calling. For me it’s always having something to distract me away from the tears.
Deborah
Hi Deborah. Distraction for me has been work, and it has been quite an effective distraction. My sad moments tend to be not during work hours. Anything sentimental can make me sad.
There are so many Disney films that have the death of a parent as a sub-plot. I don’t know why.
Hi Matt1,
It’s wonderful you have your work as a distraction. I am retired so found that an extra hurdle to cope with.
Totally agree. Anything sentimental sets me off too. Could be anything from seeing mum’s old garden ornaments that I brought back to my garden to songs, clothes, food, day trips etc.You name it and it triggers me as my mum was a huge part of my life.
Hadn’t realised about the Disney plots. Strange isn’t it? I wonder why they do that?
Once the crying stage eases we have to find coping strategies to put into place to protect ourselves and to simply carry on surviving.
It’s extremely hard to do though and navigating each day can be a huge challenge.
I find I don’t want to go out or do anything but when I do go out I feel better but guilty for even going out. It’s all grief doing this I know and thankfully I can find ways to drag myself out of the pit I sometimes find myself in.
Hope you are doing as well as you can do.
Sending strength
Deborah
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It’s difficult to imagine how I will be feeling in the future. And how far away that future feeling is.
I agree Matt. Every stage will take lots of time to handle
I suppose it’s all about learning how to survive the devastation in the early stages and hoping that we can learn to thrive at some point in the future.
Yes.
Getting used to new stages of coping is something we will do in our own ways in our own time. But not being able to go back and save them will never leave. The yearning to go back to how it was. And the present and the future without them is depressing.