My soulmate best friend and my world died yesterday morning at 8am she took a large chunk of me with her im devastated feel cheated she was to young we had sooo much to look forward to.had a major stroke last year was in hospital for nearly 6 months loved and cared for by Jude within2weeks of coming out iwas loving and caring for her we went for ameal at Christmas it was lovely like we were courting again i was suspicious, concerned and frightened when in hospital her weight loss was alarming fast forward January the 13 ill never forget she could not breath properly so i called an ambulance went to hospital they drained a litre of fluid from her lung found amass on the same lung it had spread everywhere including her brain .we were informed theres nothing can be done shes probably had it for a couple of years prior she had asinus infection that would clear then comeback lress than a week later now find out it was the tumas in her head causing the sinus infections we had to have 2 of our dogs put to sleep the same week what else whatnextwhy me have done something wrong
@Peter66 I am so sorry for the recent loss of your dear wife. The first days and weeks are overwhelming. When my wife of 47 years died in October both the physical and emotional pain were beyond anything I could ever have imagined. Your whole life is in turmoil, all the issues leading up to her passing everything in your life together is thrown into chaos. It does settle but it helps to work things through by sharing them. There is no timetable for grief and we are all different but everyone on this site understands what you will be going through. Post as you need, you will find support.
hi Mike thankyou for your kind helpful words making matters worse im being excluded by my own family who im ashamed to say ask my neighbour how much he thinks the small holdings worth material things mean nothing at the moment ,ihd acall from our son on Tuesday morning to tell me Jude had died in her sleep that was the length of the call not how are you nothing .Jude would be so dissapointed its that bad idoubt ill be going to her funeral thats if im told when it is.married for over 30 years we met when i was 18 married 29/2/92 got engaged on valentines day im56 now but feel like achild icant stop bauling they just dont get it…
@Peter66 I read your profile and you have these added difficulties with your family which make things much worse. Crying is a natural part of grief after losing your life partner and they should understand that. Unhappily there are many on this site who have had trouble with family being unsympathetic or grasping for material things. They have no right to exclude you from the funeral arrangements or from the funeral itself. You have health problems but they may be accommodated. She was your wife, your soulmate, you are number one in line to mourn her loss. However painful and difficult and however disorientated you are now, you should try to be there for your dear wife. You will get support here.
hi mike75they dont understand all there bothered about is material things people or humans sadly dont count so ive lost my world now im going to lose the grand children, i cant forgive and wont forget .iwish now iwas like iwas before the stroke i was a functioning autistic but after the stroke i feel things emotionally ive not cried like ihave yesterday and today since iwas a baby so ,feeling like ido now would have been none existant the only person who understood me has died.
@Peter66 This is so sad. My daughter in law is a high functioning autistic person and my daughter’s eldest grandson is autistic but not so high functioning verbally. This will be really overwhelming for you as you will be on overload and others will not understand your difficulties processing your emotions. Others may see you as vulnerable and easy to take advantage of. Try finding out if there is support for autistic people in your area. The National Autistic Society may be able to guide you. Unfortunately autism can be misunderstood, You have my support.
Mike75 once again thank you some common sense in all this mad ness
once again ifeel likeb im banging myhead against abrick wall ive tried tobe resonable but some just dont get so in respect for my wife Jude im going to her celebration of life ive refused to make a speach as i wont be able to keep my mouyyh shut illblurt out how ive been treated by so called family.Jude died on Tues day morning at 8am,ive just taken another tel callasking uif illsign half our house over to my stepson ive brought him up as my own he was14moths old im ashamed they are determind to tarnish JUDES day and memory icant believe the total lack of compassion,empathy or understanding im so ashamed of himand his wife i had one other phone call to tell me she had died and that was it nio how are youetc justcani have half of the house.thereimbeing excluded again just like when they took her from our home ididnt cause acommotion because iknew thelove of my life was to illthen ijust tel calls saying hoe hard it wasyet id had stroke and automatically just started caring for iwould have done itforever id already been doing her caring since last nov why are they so fixed on materialthings he wasnt brought up like thatits making everything harder thanit is alreadynow threy want me to sell theyll get alarger house abnd want me to live with them ive told themhell willfreeze over first if there going tocarry on behaving like they are they wont see mme after the celebration of Judes lifeive tried to beconsiderate patient and kind and im being treated like an outcast sorry isurvived my stroke andhyour mumhad cancer ididnt give it to her iloved cared respected and helped for iover 30years .We LOVED each other youll knnow what that truly means one day
I’m so sorry for all you are going through after the loss of your beloved wife. The shock and disbelief will be a major part of how you are feeling I’m sure.
As @Mike75 says, tears are natural and will be a feature in your life for quite some time to come.
You asked if the pain goes away. Well, for me and I’m sure for many the answer is no, however for me it has changed. It’s less all consuming, less constant and less intense mostly. It’s ten months since I lost my darling husband very suddenly. We thought he was fit and well; he was slim, very strong and active but he still suffered a fatal coronary embolus after playing football.
I find that I am making a life for myself and my younger daughter. It’s very far from the life I want and there are aspects I can’t face yet but I do find enjoyment in some activities and in some company. For me, doing things I did without Richard are easier than anything we did together. He didn’t come to badminton or table tennis and I can do those and enjoy them. I can’t face going to the theatre or going on holiday but I hope to some day.
It is incredibly early for you so don’t expect too much of yourself. Once the reality that your darling wife is truly not here it can get worse but that’s normal so do not worry if that happens.
Keep posting and asking for any support we can give.
@Peter66 The treatment you are getting is worse than appalling. Do not sign anything over to anybody. If someone owns your house jointly they can use it as collateral for loans and you could end up having to pay them back. My experience with ASC people is that they would give away anything just for the problem to go away as the sensory overload from stress can become intolerable and it seems the only escape. This makes them vulnerable to manipulation. Your stepson sounds like he is aware that this is how you might react and is trying to bully you into giving up your house. Ignore any texts if you can and go to the funeral. If you get pressurised just say ‘Not now’ and walk away. I understand that for you this will be very difficult and if there is anyone who can stand with you and support you do not be afraid to ask. Say to yourself you are doing this for your Jude to give you strength. After the funeral just block the numbers of people you don’t want to speak to.
As a supporter of autism charities this makes me so angry. You have my support and that of everyone else here I have no doubt.
mike75 the first thing i thought of was agree just sign il lbe left alone peace and quite just get off my back stop it all problem solved very luckily my nurse from hospital has kepy in touch i know she isnt supposed to but she has and she told me straight as i was about to agree she told me tostop sign nothing shes told my stroke association rep they both managed to make me stop.i promised them iwont sign any thing as for son and is mrs im going awayfor awhile they wont be able toget hold ofme
Mike75 once again thankyou you read my mind and yes icame very close to giving them what they wanted for the problemto go away.With your kind words and thoughts and helping me seethe practical things and helping me to come to the right decisions with the added
help of mystroke association person and my dedicated nurse from the stroke ward whoshould not have kept in touch but has ieventually made the right choice there going tolet my social worker know there concerns thatwill be theone ive not met yet hes based in Nottingham im in west Wales
@Peter66 I’m so glad you have support. I have quite a bit of experience with ASC people to know a little about how it works. I am pleased if I am able to help.
Keep posting as you need.