Hello, I’ve just joined. I lost my mum 10 weeks ago yesturday and it doesn’t seem to be getting easier. I miss her so much it hurts. Two days ago I woke up
In the morning crying and just couldn’t bring myself to go to work and put on the smile & pretend all is ok. My family have been really supportive but I don’t always want to burden them when I’m having a really bad day so I just keep it to myself. When does this go?
Hi Donna44,
Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your mum and how you are struggling. Ten weeks is still fairly early days, and the feelings that you describe are very common.
Most bereaved people will tell you that it does get easier, but it is unfortunately a long slow process. Your loss will always be with you, but you find ways to grow around and it move forward in positive ways. In the meantime, it’s important to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve - it’s ok to cry when you need to. Bottling up emotions can make them worse, so it’s good to find outlets like writing everything down on this site.
There are many other people here who understand the pain of losing a parent. Hopefully some of them will reply here soon, but while you wait, you may also want to read and reply to some posts from others in similar situations, for example:
Redshaz73 started the conversation Loss of my dad
Louise74 and many other users posted in the conversation Struggling over loss of mum
If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about using the site, just let me know.
Take care,
Priscilla
Community Manager
Hi Donna,
I’m so sorry to hear that your mum passed away. I lost my mum six weeks ago and I understand how you’re feeling. My advice would be to read the posts on these forums, it really does help. You’re not alone, we’re all going through our various stages of grief. To be honest, it’s reading other people’s comments that is getting me through things at the moment, because I feel that people are expecting me to move on and ‘get over it’ and I can’t. I lost my mum, I miss her all the time.
This week has been one of the worst so far for me. But reading other posts has made me realise that I’m not going mad, and I’m not overreacting. There’s no such thing as normal and we are all just trying to make some sense of it all and carry on as best we can. Sometimes it’s hard because I don’t want to upset my family further when I just can’t stop crying and I’m having a really bad day. You just have to do what you think is right. There are no right or wrong answers.
But please don’t bottle things up. Come online and post here. We are all here to help, because we’ve all needed that help ourselves. We all understand. Sometimes it’s easier to post online and you can say anything you want.
I hope that this helps a bit.
Sending you lots of love,
Lisa xx
Hi priscilla & Lisa.
Thanks so much for your replies. Lisa am so sorry to hear about your mum. I know my mum was 85 she had a good life but it doesn’t make it much easier. There’s been some really dark days but am sure it’ll get easier. I know what you mean Lisa, people just expect you to get over it, a couple have even asked me if things are back to normal! I think to myself how can things ever be normal again!! reading some of the comments on here have really helped, you realise that your not alone. Lisa I know it’s a cliche but it’s true…they are in a better place & not suffering. One thing we will always have is our memories. But I miss her so much every day. I’d just love to hear her voice and be able to give her a hug one more time. Your right though, it doesn’t help when you bottle things up and sometimes you feel better when you have a good cry. I do know that I’m lucky that I got to say goodbye to her & say everything that we wanted to say & that’s something that I’ll always carry with me.
Here if you need me Lisa. Thanks so much,
Loads of love.xx
Hi Donna and Lisa
It is very hard losing our Mums and I am so sorry to read both your posts. My Mum passed away over a year ago now and I still miss her everyday and think about her all the time.
I was told life would be just an existance at first after losing Mum and I think that is very true. I just dealt with each day at a time, got up, did what I had to and looked forward to going back to bed where I could be on my own in the warm. I found I cried so much at first I thought I would never stop! What really seemed to help me was always having a packet of sweets in my bag, a little sugar rush to stop me crying on public transport!
A year on and I am sad at times but can now think more about the happier times and things we did together. Someone on here suggested starting a Memories of Mum book and that I found good. Just writing down the little things I remembered that were private to us both. I don’t read the entries again but knowing the book is there is enough for me.
I think joining this forum was the best thing I did. Just knowing there are other people out there who understand and are sympathetic. I found I would have silly thoughts and worries and usually someone on here would come back with the answer. What feels overwhelming is 3am when you can’t sleep and are worried. Finding there are others awake to talk to is great.
You both take care of yourselves.
Mel