I lost my soul mate last October at 10 minutes to midnight on the eve of our 22nd wedding anniversary. It’s painful and lonely as I have no living blood relatives, only a half sister 13 years younger than myself who was six when I first married.
I’m at a loss, so many plans for the two of us now I’ve retired, and now, nothing!
I just want to go to sleep, that eternal sleep but wake each morning to another day of desolation and not knowing. So, hence my question. Does this online community help, you get through the day.
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Hi MK-Dave, so very sorry to hear of your loss in such painful circumstances. The short answer is, yes, I think this community does help. Members who join and participate seem to stick around whch would suggest it is having the desired effect of offering support. Hopefully it will give you some comfort and support and help you work out what your next steps will be. Whilst this forum does support, at the end of the day it’s up to everyone who has suffered bereavement how they want to move forward and the forum has helped a lot of us form new friendships through sharing and listening and it (to me) seems a good starting point to help you make those first steps forward through grief knowing that you have a place to share, talk and ask for and give advice. Best wishes.
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Thank you.
@MK-Dave dear dave i do believe this community helps. Just being able to talk to people who totally understand how we are feeling and what we are going through. It’s been just over 25months since i lost my soulmate. I get the wanting to go to sleep and be with them. But they would want us to carry on . So i do for my love and our pets. I have family. But i don’t hear from them and in all honesty when i die it won’t matter to any of them. I have been isolated ever since she died. This really is a caring community and i would be even more lost without it. It has been a lifeline for me. The support i have got and the support i give. I have made some good friends on here. As bad as it sounds people on here would probably miss me more than my own family lol. Take care. I’m often around if you want to chat. x
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Thank you.
I tried an online counciling link provided by our local hospice, just before the Christmas holiday break. It felt like I was in conversation with a computer application, or at the least a trainee who was working from a script. There was no empathy.
At least here, at last, I’m confident I’m communicating with real people who understand what’s going on.
So again, I say thank you for responding to my question. It means a lot
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@MK-Dave . you’d be surprised at the understanding you get here, but also as you read through the posts of others sometimes You can offer thoughts or echo their feelings. Its simply coz we’re in the same boat and know the pain we are experiencing. Take care
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@MK-Dave, it was a year after my husband died that I found this community. I’m so glad I did I have found and made some very good friends. Friendships that are priceless and will last my lifetime. It definaetly helps you can be yourself.
Debbie x
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Depends what you want out of it. It doesn’t make your grief go away “unfortunately” but in times when you feel like you could scream because the grief is overwhelming, it can help to share what you’re going through. Just to know others are feeling similar makes you feel less alone. On sunny days you see families, partners enjoying life and you really feel isolated. Coming on here you realise others have or are going through the same.
I know a lot of us have become obsessed with the idea of there being an afterlife, so if you’re open to that belief, talking to others who’ve had readings etc do give you some hope.
Even if it’s just to have a rant it’s good to let off steam. Especially to people who don’t know you.
Hope this helps.
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As the months have passed, it’s been harder. Immediately after her passing, neighbours were really supportive and at that time there was so much do (legally etc.) it didn’t sink in, I was running on adrenaline only, winding my business and throwing every waking hour into decorating (decorating? Why? I don’t know, it was something to do). Christmas and now, the neighbours exchange the normal pleasantries. They see me smile without realising how desolate my life has become.
Now I’m trying to sort out the garden (this was my wife’s passion, I used to work in the garden under her instruction), this job alone is emotionally draining.
It’s the silence in the house that triggers feelings I can’t describe.
Thank you for your message.
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Yes I’ve heard a lot of people say the nights are worse, when you go home to a empty house. I only work part time so I’m often in the house daily so I never knew what they meant. I actually found nights easier as I’d curl up in bed snuggled up watching some rubbish on the tv so it would help to take my mind off it. However now the weather is nice I find it hard to go up to bed early as it’s still light. The reality has started to set in. Often my teenagers are out working or meeting friends and I am alone at night. I guess that’s what people meant.
It’s just a rubbish situation. I too wonder if people see me laughing, messing round with my kids and assume I’m doing well and am over it. I’m definitely not, no one knows what I carry round all day, everyday. I don’t enjoy anything really anymore, I’m just trying to make the most out of life because what else can we do?
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