Don’t know how I feel

Hello again, thank you for reading my post I done quite a month ago. And I thought I was going along ok since my mum passed away end of March. I do put on smiley face and pretend I’m ok. But deep inside me I feel heartbroken. Each day that goes by I’m always thinking of my mum and my dad (died 20 yrs ago). There has been times when I say to my family ohhh mum would know that or how do I do that in cooking? Mum would know…then I realised again mum isn’t here to ask her.
I have got a lovely granddaughter she’s just gone 3 yrs old and they visits every few months. So my daughter and granddaughter was here last week, she was full of energy happy cheerful and very contented. Again I thought to myself how much mum n dad would enjoy seeing them, playing and having lots of fun. I was teasing the granddaughter with her ages just like my mum would do or say. It makes me feel so sad. I try not to show that but I feel tears coming down.
And also my mum had dementia and was bed bound. And mum lost so much weight and was very poorly in the end. But in her last few months of mums life she said her goodbyes to her grandchildren. And I think mum knew it was coming close to going forever. I still can’t accept mum has gone.
I’m sorry I got lots of things going around in my mind.
Thank you for reading and I’m sorry I babble on .

Dear @Jolly1

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your mother and father. There is no need to apologise. This is what the forum is here for, to chat and to say how we feel.

What you are experiencing and going though is normal. My father passed away 17 years ago and I still say ‘my dad would know’ and that ‘my dad would be so proud on as to how his granddaughter is getting on’. In time over the years you learn to accept that your loved ones have gone but that does not mean you forget them them or love them any less. The love you have for them is always in your heart along with your memories.

You are still in the early stages of grief with your mum passing in March. Grief is a mixture of emotions with good days and bad days. Grief is a journey to be taken at your pace.

Have you seen the Grief Guide by Sue Ryder? This will help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. There is is also information by Sue Ryder too on Losing a Parent which may be of support and help to you.

You can also connect with members here under the topic Losing a Parent who have been in a similar situation as yourself for support too.

Please continue to reach out. You are not alone. We are all here for you.

Take care.