Don’t know what to do!

I just don’t know what to do. There’s not one single thing I’m enjoying in life at the moment. I keep trying to push myself to keep active, to join clubs and meet people, but I’m just not getting anything out of it. I can’t remember the last time I really enjoyed doing something and it’s exhausting keeping up the pretence that I am. But if I don’t keep doing these things and meeting people the days will just drag out even longer than they do already.
I just feel totally invisible. I don’t feel loved or valued by anyone. I don’t feel that anyone understands how I feel ( or even wants to).
I just can’t wait for bedtime every night, so I can be out of it for a few hours.
Is this how it’s going to be now for the rest of my life?


Hi @Hope2 I’m sorry that life is awful for you at present. I can identify with everything you have said. I don’t like not having someone who loves me and looks out for me. Invisible is a good description of how I feel. It isn’t living just existing I think. I can honestly say that I have no joy in my life anymore but keep going everyday in the hope that things will improve.i do hope things improve for you also.X


I feel the same today. Can’t be arsed to do anything because I feel as if there’s nobody to share it with, so no point.
They call it ‘losing your partner’. It’s more than that, isn’t it? It’s actually ‘losing your future’. And that is so much harder. Everything is different, waking up in an empty bed, going to sleep without someone to snuggle up to, food shopping, cooking, eating, watching tv and seeing holiday adverts. Everything just emphasises our loss.

However, I was widowed once before this time. 20 years ago I lost my first husband. I remember feeling bereft and devastated, I thought there was nothing left to live for, so why bother?

I can’t remember when that blackness started to lift or how long it took. Eventually I made friends with other widowed people. One of those friendships developed into love. It was real love, just as real and valid as my first marriage. We were happily married for 15 years. Sadly I lost him as well. So, now I am back in the doldrums for now and it is just as bad the second time. But at least I know that it can be endured. It isn’t easy and it hurts like hell, but we have to believe that this will pass.


Thank you. I hope things improve for you soon.

Thank you Willow.
So sorry to hear it’s the second time you’ve been through this.
I’d love to think that I’d find love again one day but I think the chances are extremely slim at my age. For the time being I’d be happy if I could only find some purpose in my life instead of sitting here feeling so desperately lonely without him.


I know exactly how you feel. I am the same and it is 2 years since my husband died. I feel empty and just not the person I ever was and I don’t like the new me. I just grieve so much it hurts. I just wish that I was made tough and not so sensitive. Sending love and empathy.


Thank you. Wishing you well

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Sorry for your loss :purple_heart:

It sounds like your really trying to keep going and pushing through this horrible journey. You may feel like your not getting anything out of the clubs you are going to but imagine how worse you would feel if you stayed in and did nothing. I hope that in time you start to find enjoyment and purpose again. You appear to be motivated which is a huge achievement, well done for pushing yourself.

I don’t think this is how it will be for the rest of your life, it’ll be a struggle but you will eventually laugh and feel love again.

I think we get stuck with all the negatives that surround our losses but the future can be bright and fulfilling, we’ve just got to figure a way of getting there.

Sending lots of love :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Yes I go through the motions too. I didn’t feel like going out yesterday. I just forced myself. It felt awkward at first and tempted to leave. Remembered when I was sitting with my husband before he died there. Felt so horrid at first. Then someone came over and chatted. Wasn’t quite so bad then. Can’t say I was enjoying it especially.
But when I got back I thought it was better than I thought. I was given a dear little spaniel to cuddle. Made my day.
He was so lovely. With those gorgeous eyes.
Today again I didn’t feel any enthusiasm at all but glad I went because we had a lady talking about foraging. We could eat what she made and could chat to a nice lady.
So glad I went. I haven’t got much done. Reading a novel in between chores.

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Thank you. Yes I have really tried hard to push through it all and be strong and self sufficient and all my friends tell me how well I’ve done so far but the more time goes by the worse I seem to feel.
I was meant to be going to choir tonight but I really couldn’t face going, so made excuses not to go.
I’ve had a few things happen this week that require me to be a bit assertive and stand up for myself but I just haven’t got the will to do it anymore. I feel like I’ve got to the end of my tether and just want my husband back so much. It’s so lonely having no one in your corner. I just want someone to take care of me and make everything right again but I know that’s not going to happen.



It’s so hard isn’t it! It’s ok not to be ok. If you need some time for you that’s ok, you don’t need to be on the go all the time. Take your time to process your feelings, just don’t stay down for to long as it’ll be harder to get back up.

If your husband could whisper some words of encouragement to you, what is it he would say?

Your stronger than you think, you’ll be ok. Just take it easy and if you’ve got to be assertive than so be it. Not sure if the situation but people should respect and empathise with your grief and not put you in a situation where you need to assert yourself.


Thank you so much for spending time responding to my posts. It’s a bit of a long story, but it’s not friends I’m having to deal with it’s the council. To do with a tree that’s growing outside of my boundary wall on council property, but growing from the bottom of my wall. I’m worried that it will cause issues and I rang them and she said she’d get them out to sort it. When I checked online it’s saying the job has been completed but no one has been out to it.
I think I’ll have to pay someone to remove it but I shouldn’t have to. Everything just feels too much right now, but it could be that I feel really rough with Hayfever at the moment which doesn’t help as I’m not in the best of moods.
What would my hubby have said to me? Probably ‘don’t worry, it’s hardly the end of the world is it ? And he’d be right too, it’s just come on top of having to have a new hob installed because of problems with the gas pressure and then the washing machine breaking and leaking water all over the floor and someone nicking my wheel trims off the car. Nothing major there either, just one thing after another when I’m already feeling so down.
I’m sure things will get better eventually. It’s just how life is isn’t it?
All the best to you anyway, and thank you again for taking time to chat with me.
Take care

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Yes I agree when we are grieving everything is amplified. At the beginning I literally couldn’t deal with anything. I find it better to deal with things bit by bit. As time moves on I can deal with thing’s better.

Maybe take a little step back to focus on you and then when your feeling in a better headspace tackle the tree. You could write a well composed email to the council outlining your concerns and ask them to reply in writing with how they plan to resolve the issue. There is no rush, take your time.

Let’s hope your run of bad luck is over!

Listen to your husband, he sounds wise :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: xx

It’s Sod’s Law that everything seems to happen when you are least able to deal with it.
I felt inadequate and useless when similar things happened. Just do what you have to do and leave the rest until you feel up to dealing with it. If it’s not urgent, leave it for another day.
I am sure that everything you have already dealt with will make you feel stronger.
You have got this. You have also got the love and support of everyone here. Xx

He was :slightly_smiling_face:

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Oh bless you. Thank you Willow