Hi,
A bereaved friend asked me a question today that I didn’t know how to answer…
When we were both bereaved we had people offering invites, on the phone checking up, asked around for dinner etc…
But say before your bereavement you used to see them a couple of times a year, after a while they go back to that, leaving you high & dry?
Is it because they have their own life’s that carry on as it did & they want to get back to that & just don’t give you a second thought?
I think you’re right…that people go back to their lives.
I’m sure they don’t leave us high and dry intentionally and we probably do cross their minds regularly but what can other people truly do for us?
They can’t fix things or make things better but the fact they’ve been there, holding us up in the most desperate of times, means that they do care about us.
I guess at some point it’s up to us to reach out and ask for what we want, what we need, even if it’s just a 10 minute chat…
But it’s so difficult… to ask, to be reliant on someone else, isn’t it?
Hugs x
I agree with @S_Diva , those friends were there for us at the very beginning when we were all shocked, and we needed them. They did let us know in the early days that we had their support.
As time passes it’s natural for others to carry on with their lives. Don’t forget that by seeing us they are reminded of what will come to them at some point. The goals have shifted over time. We are no longer part of that couple and so the relationship dynamic has altered. This is one reason why I’ve gone on to do new things and create new friendships. I still see old friends, but how long can we be the spare part around the table? I certainly don’t want to be invited anywhere out of someone’s misplaced sense of duty, or their sympathy.