Dont give up on yourself

Hello everyone, in many ways I’m sorry I had not found this site much sooner than I have, yes I’m new, but in other respects I’m thankful as I had to find my way to recovering myself from the tragic loss of my darling wife Ruth, I hope that in what I write here that in some small way it brings some comfort to some that this may resonate with.

My wife Ruth was simply my world, we were close to our 39th anniversary, we married when she was 18, we have 3 wonderful daughters and 5 grandchildren, life for us was a rollercoaster, and we experienced much in our lives together, we loved the adventure of life and each other, in 2017 she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and this was a beginning of a path of continual decline, although I could see it unfolding before me, I could not accept, and was constantly upbeat about we would find a way even a miracle that would return our life back to the way it used to be, that my friends was my first mistake, because at some point my wife needed me to accept that this fight may not be won and stop being the always optimist, and centre into the support and soul connection that she needed to move towards the unknown.

On the 8th Oct 2019 she passed away, and at that very point I was taken too, as the old me ceased to exist, grief is a life changing process that strips us bare, exposes every failing and thrusts it in your face to examine in excruciating detail, if there was such a thing as a past life review here on earth, grief will process that experience for you, all the happy and sad experiences you had together are all there to be relived against a new filter of I should have I would have, I am sure you understand what I am saying, however at some point you begin to notice the lessons in life and they start to change what you are in subtle ways, building a new you, that somehow is hard to recognise, but I like to think a better version, yes the loss never leaves you and you will have times where it feels unbearable but they will become less frequent, and sometimes you will smile at a shared memory without breaking down, and simply find the joy that is contained within that moment, learn to be kind to yourself, don’t feel guilt at taking small pleasures, and life will start to have purpose and meaning once again, I find myself respecting the love and the life I had with my wife in many new ways by engaging and helping in the community, I have become a healer but that’s another story, life does go on, and your love and memory of your loved one lives and burns bright with you, and given time will be something that you look upon with joy and thankfulness.


Thank you for this :heart:


Hi - Thank you for your post, there are lots of imi things here for me to think about - I am not in a good place having lost two sons. A died September 21 and J died December 21, both sudden deaths.I am feeling quite low, my understanding of words seem to take twice as much time. The processing of this grief seems messy and unfocused- the two have become one and I feel very drained. I will look at your post again as I believe it will be helpful to me and so others around me.Thank you and bless you Jx


Hello David
I can certainly resonate and agree with what you are saying.
I am in my third year and I can only say that your description of a later life after grief is working for me also. I have learned to smile through the tears and can find enjoyment again in the simplest of things.
I also knew I was going to lose my husband but constantly stayed upbeat and wouldn’t discuss losing him.
I agree the loss never leaves you but we do find a way to build a new life.
I concentrate on what I am now thankful for and not what I have lost. I have my memories and that will never be taken away from me.
Thankyou for your wise words and I hope they will bring some comfort to those newly bereaved who think the struggle will never end. Perhaps it doesn’t but we do learn to cope with it.


Thank you, your story gives hope to us all. :heart:

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