Don't know how to cope

My beautiful mum, my only family, has terminal cancer. She is only 61.

I’m devastated and have spent far too much time online reading about how other people have coped. So many people say the only thing that kept them going was their children. I don’t have children (by choice) so how will I cope? What’s the point in anything without my mum?

Most people I know who are my age haven’t even lost a grandparent let alone both their parents, I feel so alone.


Hi Grh92,

I’m very sorry for your mum’s diagnosis.

I lost my Father who i adore to terminal cancer in November 2022. My dad was diagnosed in September and he passed away 8 weeks later. I was with my dad when we got the devestating news and it felt like the end of the world. I didn’t see any point in life without my dad and the thought of losing him was (now is) excruciating.

There is no right or easy way to cope. I immediately went into “fix it” mode and initially, before I knew we would get so little time I tried to focus on what may help to extend my dad’s life. I was also dad’s advocate and dealt with anything to do with hospitals and his care. I focused on caring for my dad and supporting him to the best of my ability. I was with him every step of the way and I was with him in the hospice when he passed away.

I have no children and I’m not married. Since losing my dad my focus has been on trying to get through the day and to honour him by looking after my mum and trying to keep going. It’s very difficult and although I feel very lost I will keep trying.

None of my friends have lost parents. The only people I know who have lost parents are work colleagues or people who are much older. My dad was 70 years old, it’s devestating and I didn’t believe it possible but somehow I am getting through the day, albeit with much sadness and longing.

There are people here who understand.


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