Dont want to Play this game anymore

Have been playing that game since losing my wife off 51 years just over 6 months ago, were people were saying keep yourself busy, make sure you keep yourself occupied, do this, do that, go for long walks, do volunteer works, and I just don’t want to play this game anymore, or this style of life anymore.

I am not thinking of trying to end my life, but I just cant, and don’t want this style of life for the foreseeable future, I feel totally exhausted, physically and mentality, as much as I would like my old life style back with the type of things that me and my wife used to do, I know that this is not going to happen ,but I don’t feel as though I can move on in another different way yet ,I have sent for a Painting by numbers hoping I can find the concentration to be able to complete this,
Thanks for the rant, much appreciated. Mickere xx


I totally get what you’re saying. I’m sure that you’ll just be absolutely exhausted and need to rest.
That’s how I felt after roughly the same time as you. It’s 17 months today since I lost Ian and I’ve just woken up after a good night’s sleep. They’re still relatively few and far between.
You’re shattered, tired, exhausted, worn out, as you say, physically & mentally. You need to rest.
We don’t really just want to rest though, do we? Because then we think more…and that’s painful. Please give it a try though.
I think the painting by numbers is a brilliant idea. It will be enjoyable and will help calm your mind down.
I’m sure it will work for you.
There’s one thing for sure unfortunately Mickere, there are too many of us feeling like you. Keeping on when we’d really rather not. Letting go of our “old” lives when all we want is them to be the same again.
Love and hugs to you…I’m sorry I can’t help you…I’m just letting you know that I do understand
Janey xx


Thank You Janey for you kind reply ,you summed it up a treat with your wording " Letting go of our Old Lives" which none of us wont to do that, do we .x


Hi what you have posted resonates wih me totally. I’m exhausted. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I sleep quite a lot when it’s cooler. I’m finding it incredibly difficult to get out of the mud as it were. It’s as if my mind can’t see a way forward.


Hello mickere, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother in February and I will always miss him. I think changing our lives is not the way to go. We cannot run away from ourself whatever we do, or wherever we go. I have tried making changes. I was told to clear out some of my brothers clothes and give them to a charity. Bad mistake, my body started to shake and I lost my energy within about 3 minutes. I felt guilty, and it took me several weeks to recover. - Now, I only take small steps and not more than two a week. It works much better.

Why not add something new to our lives, or, pick up an old hobby again. It would not be a real change as such, just something new.

I think it should have been done in the opposite order.

one must sit and mourn for at least a year, maybe two, and come to terms before undertaking all the classes, and volunteer work etc., trying to create a new life.

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Hi All
Actually Beret has made a good point and being three years along I must agree.
I tried the counselling and joining classes and groups but lockdown knocked them on the head. I then found I became more accustomed to my own company and didn’t look for a future but accepted what came my way. I started to be grateful for what I did have and not for what I didn’t.
I thought I would be on my way to some sort of acceptance after six months but it doesn’t work like that. We have to grieve and let our mind and body find acceptance.
I kept doing some of the things we enjoyed together and hard as it was at first I can enjoy these activities again.
I haven’t forgotten but I can be at least satisfied with life again.

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