Mum passed away while I was on holiday 22nd October. She was 88 and had not been well for a while, wanted to go she kept saying she was ‘done’ I had been her main carer for years when my husband retired 2 years ago he helped me by doing her garden etc then 3 weeks after Mum my husband Colin took a massive heart attack while in hospital going for an MRI they tried for 37 mins to bring him back but it was not to be, I am absolutely devastated. We thought when Mum went it was our time now, never thought I would be left on my own heart broken and mourning the life we had and what was still to come. I also feel guilty that I have not grieved for mum as Colin’s death has overtaken every emotion I have. My GP wants me to see a mental health nurse as she says 2 bereavements in a matter of weeks are beyond imaginable but I would rather work through it myself than take some chemical that will numb the pain. I want to cry to scream to punch the walls and get it out my system. I know everyone on here is also fighting a daily battle and that helps a bit knowing l am not alone at this hellish time
Hello Mrs Colt, firstly, I am saddened and sorry to read of your losses and I so recognise your devastation and current emotional trauma. My mum died on 22 October 2014, she was 91 years of age. My husband became seriously ill in April 2015, when we were looking forward to his partial retirement…he was 60. I retired at 56 and cared for him at home until specialist 24/7 care was needed …he died on 18 October 2017. I turned 60 last October. Having the support of a mental health team and clinical psychologist who have walked along side me these last two years has been remarkable. I chose not to take medication and not to have surgery, which was needed as a result of living on adrenalin only, for too long. All I can write is from my own experiences, do what you feel is the right thing for you, at the time. You may change your mind as you walk your grief journey and that’s absolutely ok. Talk and tell yours and your lovely husband’s story. You will talk to your husband and it’ll make you cry. Try and put a limit on for how long you cry…you need to set up distractions which will become your scaffolding, holding you up. Keep in the present, a minute, hour, or day at a time.
It turned out that I didn’t need an operation, I repaired myself…I trust my thoughts and decision making, once again. I can accept that things are good enough, not perfect and not what I wanted. Keep posting and we’ll all share and listen. Accept all help offered, if it’s not for you, just say, sending peaceful moments and kind thoughts, xx
Rainbow thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your journey. It seems you have had a terrible time but are getting through things. I set myself a daily goal and strive to achieve it. I too was 60 in October and looking forward to retirement with Colin but sadly it was not to be. I have amazing support from family and friends who have been fantastic but it’s not the same as having your own special person is it I am glad you are at a place of acceptance and contentment, hopefully one day I will be also