Drained

Losing a parent
1

I can’t be the only one who just feels drained from propping everyone else up, listening to their issues and woes and thinking that I’m just able to deal with it all though I’m suffering too, I lost my mum in April 2022, maybe they think I can just cope with them loading their problems onto me without a thought of how I may feel. I’m so fed up with it all, my brain just feels tired and I need to just to let them get on with it. Times like this I miss my mum even more if that’s at all possible, she’d just be there to listen, just unconditionally. It’s so hard :pensive:

3 Likes
2

My advice is to gently tell them how you feel.

1 Like
3

I don’t help others with their problems as I lost my mum to. I just haven’t the energy anymore

2 Likes
4

Unfortunately a lot of peoples memories are short and unless theyve experienced loss they make the assumption everything is back to normal after a few weeks. They dont realise the impact grief can have both physically and emotionally and how exhausted it makes you feel. Do you feel youre getting the support YOU need right now - do you have a close friend/partner/counsellor that youre able to talk to? :heart:

2 Likes
5

You’d think they know me well enough to know not to overload me wouldn’t you? So many people are selfish and self centred :pensive:

6

I know what you mean, it’s my nature to try to help, listen and understand but sometimes it’s just so hard.

7

I think my problem is that when I feel so overwhelmed I just have to withdraw, it’s my defence mechanism and my survival mode, I just feel so hurt when people just can’t reciprocate when I clearly need a pair of listening ears, maybe I need to grow a thicker skin but easier said than done . I sent an offloading email to the Samaritans, I find that helps me.

8

It is very difficult to do but i have done it most recently after loosing both my parents last year is to only control what you can control yourself and let the rest go. It is difficult but i need it for self preservation as i too have this problem people come to me all the time that to my perception is very trivial issues when i am dealing with the greatest loss in my life my 2 precious best friends. It is difficult but i am starting to put up boundaries for my own self preservation if they dont like it is there business not mine, I try to do it in a diplomatic way first but if they persist they then get the brutal truth.

1 Like
9

I totally understand about withdrawing when you feel overwhelmed and vulnerable- i have to feel that the person genuinely WANTS to know how im doing, i wont just blurt it out there. Thats why i was asking, is anyone in your circle asking how you are, do you have someone you can say “actually im not ok today” or are you holding it all in? I find it harder to deal with other peoples issues when i feel im not being heard myself. And then im selective on who i meet when - the people who i know expect me to be sociable and "normal’ ill only meet when i feel strong enough, and theres others who i know wont mind if i just cry all over them! :heart:

1 Like