How can my favourite day of the week now be be the one I dread the most.
This was our day, walking, going out for a drive and having coffee and cake, window shopping, bird watching, visiting garden centres or just chilling on the back garden.
No real interest in any of them anymore, it’s just sad and lonely.
Love and hugs 
Jacky
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Jacky, I know just how you feel, Sunday’s are not the same and on a Sunday evening as I climb into bed I always say, well that’s another gone and yes I have got through it. So Sunday’s I even feel proud because I have moved mountains of work that’s the way I get through them. I stopped trying to continue in the old pattern we had and tried different things but the one that works is keeping busy. I am having my dinner whilst writing this and then back into the garden. Walking, going to church anything so I don’t stop. So this afternoon I shall be thinking of you and sending lots of hugs. Keep safe xxxx
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I know exactly what you mean. I have done some gardening but then just sat there in our tranquil space crying because he’s not there. I can’t find the joy in anything. Sending hugs
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I hate Sundays. It’s the day I lost Alan 15 weeks ago.
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I do try to keep busy but sometimes it is an effort to do anything, still in my pyjamas! This weather isn’t helping either.
I’ve just succeeded in setting of the smoke alarm making myself a bacon sandwich and in the process of moving the frying pan melted the handle.
If Geoff is watching me he will be having a right old moan at me, exactly what he would have done if he was here. Xx Thinking of you too and sending hugs
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I feel the same Julie, my head tells me to try and do things but my heart tells me the exact opposite. Thinking of you and sending hugs Jacky
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Oh Jacko25 I feel exactly the same as you.
We would have been doing those same things or even just doing nothing together. Now Sunday is just another day to get through without our dear soulmates. It’s nearly 6 months for me and in the last few days I have started to get more anxious and panicky, doing simple tasks makes me feel nervous, my confidence has gone, I’m sitting here watching the rain pouring down feeling more lonely and alone than I’ve ever done in my life. At least tomorrow I will be able to have a friend round for a cuppa and a chat, something I’ve been longing for. Sending you hugs and know I am thinking of you too in this horrible time we are all going through. Xx
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Gentle5, it is six months for me too and I have been feeling exactly like you, over the last few days, anxious, panicky and really low again (I had felt a little better the previous
couple of weeks) I’ve lost my confidence too.
I wonder is there’s a reason why that is happening and if others have gone through the same thing?
Sending hugs Jacky
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@Jacko25 and @Gentle5 I am at same stage as you both. Crying more than usual and very shaky and lacking in confidence too. Cannot sleep. I put off driving my car unless absolutely necessary. How we have got this far I don’t know. The whole situation is just miserable. I was hoping for better weather by now, as over the years I have found I feel better with sunlight. I seem to have been working on the only sunny days. The grey skies and rain this weekend is adding to the doom and gloom. It seemed to brighten so I took a chance and put washing out and grabbed some weeds out of the garden. The washing is now wetter than when it went out, and hanging limply. Bit like how we all feel really! The gutter is overflowing so just going out to look for where the blockage is. What a life!!! Xx
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Wong, it is strange, may be there is a six month syndrome, who knows? Then a 1 year, 2 year, never ending isn’t it? I feel worse because I had a couple of good weeks and now have that awful sick to my stomach, feeling of dread again.
I’ve got a meeting at work on Wednesday because I have been off on long term absence, so also getting all worked up about that.
I also have blocked gutters but to high to reach without Geoff to go up the ladder. I’m waiting for my son to come and help me sort it.
Correct Wong What a Life!!
Sending hugs Jacky
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Jacko, I am sorry you are feeling that way too, but maybe this is normal, I feel maybe it’s just the shock starting to come to the fore and our brains have been protecting us in some way during the first few weeks and months. It will be interesting to know what others think l too. Xx
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@Jacko25 I had a couple of months off work, and was dreading going back. Our management team are not known for compassion, but to be fair they were good. I went straight back full time, which was a massive mistake. I then found out that I could do a phased return, which I did over 6-7 weeks. Starting off at 4 hours a day for 2 weeks, 5 hours a day for the next 2 weeks etc. I have been back to full time for a while now, and I do struggle some days, but the phased return was definitely for me the best way to get back into it. On the whole most people at work have been kind. Good luck with your meeting, and I hope it isn’t as bad as you think it will be. X
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The thing is I’m not sure if I want to take early retirement, but don’t want to say anything to them yet as my Doctor has signed me off until the end of May.
It’s such a big decision and no Geoff to talk it over with, I’m so scared of making the wrong decision, but I think it might be the right thing for me, I’m almost 62 and had planned to be with Geoff at home soon as he retired 3 years ago.
Teaching is so full on and then carries on at home, marking, planning etc. I don’t want my life to be just work and then home to an empty house. I’m so glad that Geoff had three years to enjoy his retirement before he died. I don’t want to be morbid but when things like this happen it makes you think about your own life and I would hate to slog my guts out for another 4 years and then lose my life as he did.
I feel like I need to try and make a new life doing things I enjoy ( as best I can anyway)
I’ve definitely thought about getting a dog, but it’s still really scary making decisions like this on your own.
Hugs Jacky
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@Jacko25 We were going to look at me taking early retirement, but hadn’t looked into the figures. My partner was going to keep working until just before I retired, as he didn’t want to be at home on his own. Poor man, he never got to retire. I am useless at maths, and it is a big decision. At the moment I am just keeping going with work. I am not in my ideal job, and am having to work long hours to keep on top of things. I had to change jobs from one I loved a short while back when my department was closed. As we were not married I am not next of kin, so financially now I think I have to keep working. For me just now my future feels in tatters, and work is keeping my brain active, and giving me interaction with people. If you can afford to retire and feel that you can fill your days then you need to look into it. Good luck. X
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Wong Are you sure you’re not entitled to anything?
We weren’t married either but he had named me on his pension nomination form, so I got a lump sum and half of his monthly pension. I had to jump through hoops to get it even though he had named me but got there in the end.
I think he would say if I can afford it then to do it and it’s just about feasible. But such a life changing decision, no hesitation if he was with me to share and enjoy it, but very different now I’m alone. I’ll let you know what I decide eventually. Hugs Jacky
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I don’t know what is happening at Jacko25. I know he left me a small amount in his will, but the bulk has gone to his kids, which to be fair I don’t mind. I didn’t know he had left me anything until after he died. They are sorting out all the finances. I have been asked to give them all the paperwork, and they are not involving me or discussing anything with me. I will just have to see how things pan out. We just never made proper plans for if either of us died, as we planned to get married and thought we would sort it all out then, which in hindsight was stupid. We all think we are invincible, until something comes along and proves we are not.
I do feel for you trying to make that work decision. I think if life was normal I would be looking at what I could do, as I would like to travel, not necessarily abroad, there is a lot of this country I have not seen. Not sure about travelling alone though, as it was our dream not just mine, and not sure how long we will be able to travel for as unfortunately I do not think we have seen the last of covid. This virus keeps mutating and the Indian strain is very nasty, and has made its way to England. I wish they would stop flights etc although they are making people travelling from India isolate in hotels on their return now. There are still loads of people not vaccinated. It is really quite worrying.
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That must be really difficult for you, having to wait for everything to be sorted and out of your control.
I feel really lucky now as things can turnout so differently when partners children are involved. We too didn’t have a will and the house was originally Geoff’s from his first marriage. We had remortgaged it quite a few years ago but when he died I couldn’t remember how we had taken it out. Had to wait almost two months to find out. Luckily we had done it as joint tenants which meant it automatically passed straight to me, also we had a joint bank account which could be changed into my sole name without any problems. I’m so thankful because without a will it could have been very different, I could have been forced to sell the house to give his half to his children (not that they were awkward with me at all, they were really helpful and understanding)
His pension has been a massive help and at.least gives me options, so yes I am very grateful. Would rather him be here tho, even if we had to live in a tent and eat beans on toast everyday.
I’m also really worried about covid which is another reason I’m not sure about working back in school. I still think maybe I brought it home to Geoff from there and if it wasn’t for that he might still be here.
Take care and hugs hope things are sorted for you soon. Xx
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Sat & Sun were our days to spend together, doing something or nothing. Went to my beloveds woodland grave today to talk to him, to say sorry for the time wasted sweating the small stuff, to ask him to visit me in my dreams. Wish this could be different. His death has changed everything, me, family, friends. If only he knew when he was alive how vitally important he was to many many people.
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Hi, I wish too that Geoff knew how much he was loved by so many. My grandson has stayed with me this weekend and I’ve had a purpose even if it is only waiting on him hand and foot 
My grandkids have kept me going the last six months and brought some normality, but even then I feel sad when they are here, they loved grandad so much and no-one could make them laugh like he did. I just feel like the boring nana now. 
But at least they want to keep coming so I must be doing something right.
Now I’m here alone again and the house is so empty without him. Another week since he left me. 
I’ll keep plodding on the best I can.
Love and hugs Jacky
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I dont like sundays the last time i saw my dad alive was sunday evening before he passed away early hrs monday and sunday was the last night i spent with my partner at his bedside before he passed away monday morning i never sleep well sundays for these reasons.x
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