Hi ani , so sorry for your loss ,
the horrible images that you have in your mind will slowly fade , it’s that old cliche of time that everyone keeps telling us …
When my gf died it just didn’t look like the beautiful girl I knew , slowly you start to remember good images but it’s little consolation , it was 10 weeks ago for me but yes I still think about the final image of her mixed in with a lot more of the better times in my head .
I honestly believe when you lose someone so close , the days weeks and months after you go into survival mode and it really can be a battle to just get up in the morning , just keep moving and keep busy if you can , if you have work to go to then go because that’s what really helps me , everyone’s different , just an awful situation we’ve been handed to deal with isn’t it , take care of yourself