Dreading Christmas

So this will be the second Christmas without my Dad .
It feels worse than last year for some reason, I’m dreading It .
I feel very anxious about everything, don’t want to be involved .
Just want it over and gone .
The worse thing is everyone seems to be carrying on as normal and they seem to be expecting me to be the same.
Planning things, inviting themselves when all I want is to be left alone .

Hi Lynac123xxx

Thankyou for your post. There are a group of us who chat every day that have lost our mums suddenly in the last few months. We are all having a hard time and dreading xmas. What you are saying hasnt surprised me. My dad died suddenly in august 1998 and I never enjoyed xmas after that. My christmases up till that point had always been fun family events with both mum, dad, my sister and I. Losing my dad changed xmas forever. Now that I’ve lost my mum this year xmas is changed again. I have spent 48 Christmases with my mum and I dont expect any for the rest of my life will be good again.
Do what you want to do this xmas and take time out from people if you feel the need.
Xmas is painted as such a joyous time but the truth is that there are alot if people who are recently bereaved, very ill, very poor or have some other reason to dread it. You are not alone.
Cheryl x

Thank you for your quick reply .
When I feel so low this is the place I come too.
I can talk to people who have similar experiences.
I feel you understand .
I have no one else I feel I can talk to about my feelings , although I have close family .
They don’t seem to understand and I feel they expect me to just get over it .
Get on with life .
My Dad was my world , I spent a lot of time with him.
I looked out for him. I miss doing things for him .
I have not just lost him but my life with him if they makes any sense.

Of course it does.
I was ridiculously close to my mum and we lived together, did everything together. I thought she would live till she was 90 but on the 2nd june she had a miniistroke. She seemed to be fine and only had a sight weakness in one arm but 12 days later she suffered a massive brain hemorrhage. I am still in shock. The hospital had discharged her with aspirin on the 7th june and told us they would sent physiotherapy round to check mum was safe to go out of the house on her own, cross roads etc.
We thought it was a minor blip in mums life but she was dead days later.
It’s a huge shock and my world as I knew it has ended.
I’m sure eventually I will pop back onto site ryder only occasionally but for now I need it every day.
Cheryl x

Hi Lynac123xxx, Christmas is such a stressful time of year and the loss of a loved one just adds to the weight of it all.
Whilst, we are shopping we are listening to classic but highly sentimental Christmas songs, which just re-enforce that a love one is no longer here. “I’ll be home for Xmas” comes to mind but there are so many songs where one person is missing.
I lost my Dad twenty years ago and my Mum 10 weeks ago. I have no family left but i do have a partner.
A perfect, Christmas can take a hike. Restful and peaceful sounds good.
As Cheryl said many of us are struggling with Christmas and two years into the lost of your Dad really isnt long.
My partner for years used to give a toast on Christmas day. “To absent friends”. I hope he is wise enough to not say the same things this year.
I think there going to be some activity on these threads over Xmas, so if you want to escape and get things off your chest come here. x

I almost said that same thing in my last post but thought I would be miserable so left it out. I’m so glad you said it. I don’t want anyone raising a glass to my mum or absent friends. All it does is upset me. Atkins funeral my brother in law raised his glass and said ‘to sylvia’ .
Up to that point I had coped fairly well with the day bit that absolutely did it for me. I hope my brother in law has the sense not to do it on xmas day.
Cheryl x

It’s a strange one, as our loved ones are certainly not forgotten, but to raise a toast to them seems almost inhuman! Lynac and Cheryl, sorry, if my post was a bit gloomy mentioning Christmas music etc.
I personally have struggled to listen to much loved Christmas songs around the shops.

Thank you for replying , this site really has helped me over the passed 2 years .
Just to hear others feel the same or similar to what I feel .
Sometimes I think I’ll go mad .
I don’t want to upset anyone but I have this strange feeling in my head I can’t shake off.
Might sound ridiculous and silly but it haunts me .
I ask my Dad , where are you .
My Dad died alone and I feel so guilty.
He was fine ,living in a beautiful retirement village .
He could walk with a walker cook simple meals , he was very independent. Had lots of friends.
I did his shopping cleaning etc .
But the fact he was there laughing and joking , had lunch his afternoon nap .
Then woke went to the bathroom and died alone haunts me .
I don’t no where he is .
It got worse after my Daughters went to a clairvoyant.
They both said that Dad told them to tell me he was ok.
Then my 5 year old Grandson tells me his Grandad Bob that’s what he called him talks to him.
He was only 3 when Dad died but he seems to no things that Dad is supposed to tell him.
I’m so sorry if this as upset anyone I really am but I can’t get my head around it all.
If he’s somewhere why hasn’t he come to me .
Is it because I wasn’t there when he needed me the most.

You haven’t upset anyone. Hold onto what you believe. Hold onto what gives you comfort.
I try and believe that Mum is around, even though i don’t feel her or see her. Our loved ones are carried are in our hearts and in our dna at all times. If we look at our hands or our face we can often see them as a part of us. They are with us always in some respects.
Yes, it is all very painful. Believe what gives you comfort.

I was really close to my dad and thought if he would contact anyone it would be me. He never has.
I was ridiculously close to my mum and thought the same. She hasnt though.
Personally I think you are gone when you die and that is the end of life but that is just my opinion.
It doesnt actually bring me comfort to think of my mum being around me as I think she would be so upset that she isnt with us.
I fully understand why most people like to think that their lived one is still around then, it just isnt for me that’s all.
Cheryl x

Hi Cheryl, I like you have always believed when your gone your gone .
I was ok with that , Dad was 89 and never suffered ,so although he went quickly and it did shock me to my core I was ok with that part .
Apart from him dying alone , that hurts.
Until all this message lark started , to be honest I wish they had never told me.
It’s now stuck in my head .

Clairvoyantance is not supportive by scientific evidence, so you can choose to believe or not.

I no your right , but the seed as been sewn.
I wish it hadn’t .

Hi Lynac123
It will be the second Xmas without my dad too and I agree it does feel worse. Dad was my world and going a day without seeing him is hard let alone 2 years! I feel like it was a lifetime ago but yet feels like yesterday. I have had anxiety on and off since dad passed and especially around, anniversary, birthdays and other special occasions.
Do what is right for you not others, people have a strange detachment around grief and the bereaved, it’s almost like it is a disease you can catch and they don’t want to catch it. All it takes is a bit of understanding, compassion and actually to count their blessings it’s not them going through it. I too will be glad when it’s all over

Wow , thank you for that .
You understand just how I feel and me you .
It is hard .
I do get more better days than I did but the bad days are still as bad as they ever were.
Thank you

I am a spiritual person and absolutely 100% believe in life after death and that only the physical body leaves this Earth and the soul lives on for eternity. I have had messages from my dad and in unusual ways which can only be him and I am not alone as many people believe and have experienced things that leave no doubt. If anyone is interested please read this book

1 Like

He combines medical science as he is an MD with near death experiences a fantastic read

Thank you , but I’m not sure this is for me .
I’m confused enough after what the clairvoyant told my Daughters and my what my Grandsons told me.
But thank you.

Everyone has their own individual beliefs and what they are comfortable with. I hope in time your confusion resolves
itself and you feel happy with what you actually believe in.