Hi all, my darling Pete passed away very suddenly 14 weeks ago, he went out for his usual jog, had a heart attack and couldn’t be revived I left home the same time to take our dogs for a walk, I came home and the police arrived to tell me he was found on the side of the road.
It’s only 5 minutes away from our house and I still haven’t been able to face going to where it happened.
I am so heartbroken and everyone is so shocked because he looked so fit and healthy.
The strange thing is I have not had a single dream about my darling Pete or anything else since it happened.
I wondered if anyone else has experienced lack of dreams?
Has my brain shut down? I don’t sleep very much and if I do it’s for short periods so maybe I’m not in a deep enough sleep.
In a bizarre way I would like to dream about my wonderful man to escape the pain.
I would give anything to bring him back, I miss his company and the sound of his voice and his wonderful hugs.
I feel so cheated, he was only 59 and it took me so long to find the love of my life, we only got 5 years together.
My husband died suddenly & unexpectantly in July last year, he was 61 wasn’t ill but developed a blood clot following surgery.
I didn’t dream at first for a long time, which I found very strange as I have always been someone who dreams a lot. I think it was probably around November that I started dreaming again, like you I had hoped for my husband to come to me in my dreams but when he did it was heart breaking I would dream he just came walking in & I was overjoyed to see him & he would laugh & reassure me that he wasn’t dead but then when I woke & realised it was just a dream it was like loosing him over & over again.
These dreams continued until in the last one he actually admitted to me he was dead & I haven’t dreamed of him since, this was about 2 weeks ago. I am still having dreams, some pretty horrible some quite nice but he is no longer in them. Weather this will change in time I don’t know.
Take care & be careful what you wish for x
These have been my thoughts exactly.
My husband of 32 years passed away just before Christmas and I have not dreamed of him, nor felt ‘his presence’ as others mention.
Maybe it’s a kind of self protection or maybe we are just not yet ‘ready’ for the dreams etc.
I spoke of this to my friend who is a counsellor.
She said that whatever I am experiencing is MY NORMAL and not to compare with others’ grief process as it is different for all of us.
Take care and I will be thinking of you.
Hi Keskai,
Thanks for your reply, I’m sorry for your loss, its so difficult to lose someone so suddenly.
I guess I will just have to wait and see, I know that when my Dad died 15 years ago I had some really horrible dreams and they freaked me out.
It’s such a long hard road we have to travel and you can’t help but wonder why such awful things happen.
I wish you well in your journey.
It is nearly 6 months since I lost my partner and I have also had no dreams about her. Dreaming was a regular occurrence for me in ‘normal’ times but I’m noticing more and more that this seems to stop for many people who lose their loved one.
I do believe that it is a protective measure that our brains take but I’m sure when we are ready, we will go back to dreaming and hopefully our loved ones will be in those dreams.
Hi Gingerkitty,
sorry for your loss. Its really tough and I’ve never experienced anything like the pain and sadness, I sometimes feel like I can’t breathe.
Like you I haven’t felt any presence either, I envy people who say they are guided by their loved ones.
I often wake up and go out to look at the sky and ask Pete to send me some kind of sign, because I know if it was possible he would, the thing is I know he would be livid, he was enjoying his life so much and had 2 little granddaughters of 3 and 1 he was looking forward to seeing them grow up.
We have all been robbed of our future.
Sending love
Muldool
Muldool, I am so sorry to hear about your darling Pete. What an awful experience to go through.
Loss in any way is so heartbreaking. I lost the love of my life only a month ago. Quite unexpected and so heart wrenching. We are in this together and draw strength from each other. I do send love and hugs your way xx
Thanks for your kind words Chris, and I’m sorry for your loss too.
It’s just horrible, some days are a little bit easier than other as I’m sure you know.
It’s just like my future has suddenly been erased and I can’t imagine ever feeling like my old self again.
I know Pete would want me to carry on but I find I have no interest in anything, my dogs are all I have left.
My family are 3 and a half hours away and they have been great but have their own lives to get on with.
Petes Mum, Dad and sister are close by, they have been very supportive too but I find myself getting so upset in front of them and feel it must make it worse for them, his Dad is 91 and keeps saying “it should have been me”
My family would like me to move back home but Pete and I put so much work into this house ((although it is only half done) I keep looking round at all the work we have done and thinking of all the fun we had working together, how excited we were and don’t think I could leave because the memories bring a little comfort.
I hope you are doing better than me,
Sending good wishes
Muldool
I know, it’s the worst kind of pain ever imagined. Like you, I have family support and friends too but nothing seems to help with the despair we feel right now. I am back at work (office and working from home) which helps a little as a distraction. To cap it all, as we weren’t married, his daughter is next of kin and they want to sell the house. My future too, looks bleak but deep down, I know I’ll get through this, somehow and you will too Muldool.
Sending hugs x
Hi Chris,
I’ve got the same problem as we weren’t married so now his 4 children now own part of my house, they have been very good and say they are happy for me to stay here as their Dad had told them his wishes but I’m still worried.
I was working in a wedding venue before this happened and so far just can’t face going back and watch people get married as we were going to do.
I am thinking of starting a small business from home, also as we were not married I’m not entitled to any type of Bereavement benefit or to his pension.
I have worked hard all my life and never claimed any benefit and the one time I’ve needed help it seems I’m not entitled, so disappointing.
As you say we’ll get through it, I have managed to get this far although being without the love of my life is the hardest challenge I’ve ever faced.
Sending hugs back
Muldool x
I am so sorry. My husband went out for his evening run, collapsed and died nearly a year ago. When he was late, me and my son went to find him. He had collapsed a couple of minutes away from home - on the side of the road as your soulmate did. We were too late. He was only 50.
I have only had a couple of dreams about him - both very ‘real’. I wish I did dream about him more. My son does dream about him but he says that is hard as he wakes up to reality.
I found refugeingrief.com useful. I can’t say I miss him any less now than I did when it happened. I don’t think that changes. Take support from wherever you can and keep posting here. Take care
Hi, sorry for your loss too. Your story is very similar to mine. It’s such a shock, the police wanted me to go and identify Pete but I couldn’t do it, his sister went instead of me but part of me regrets not being brave enough to go, because next time I saw him was in his coffin and he looked nothing like my gorgeous Pete. I have been traumatised since then and try to push that last image out of my head.
It so very hard, I’m glad you have your son to comfort you.
We only met 5 years ago and had no children.
It does help a bit being able to talk about stuff I can’t discuss with people close to me.
Sending hugs
Muldool
I am so sorry for you loss. It’s been almost 6 months since I lost my Trev - I keep looking for him, looking for a sign that he is near and other people say they get signs, but there is nothing. No, I don’t dream any more, I used to but haven’t since I lost him. Some nights I hardly sleep though, so maybe I don’t reach that dream-state. Sometimes it’s only an hour before I’m wide awake again. Today is a very bad day. There is no real reason why it should be, only that it is. I feel like crying all the time, and even cuddling my cats doesn’t help. I can’t believe it ever gets better. What is the point of going on?
I put on a good face and go out to see people and sometimes they take my mind off it, but every day I go to visit that special place for Trev and me, and try to talk to him, and tell him what’s going on, and how I feel. But he never answers. And the worst part is there’s no one to talk to about it. It helps to share on here, knowing that everyone is feeling like me and trying to help. Thank you all for being there for us and for caring and understanding.
Hi Lois99, sorry for the loss of your beloved Trev. I know had hard it is, I lost my Pete 4 months ago and am really struggling without him, both emotionally and financially. I hope I will be able to keep the roof over my head.
My heart is broken and like you I keep looking for any sign that he is okay, the thing is I know how angry he would be about having to go at such a happy time in his life.
I hardly sleep either.
I’m so sorry you are having such a hard day, I was like that last Wednesday, I’m always upset but everything just piled up on top of me and I felt like I just wanted to go and be with Pete, then I thought about how sad that would be for mine and Petes family, they have all done so much to help me and I know they are worried about me, then they would be feeling the horrible pain I am feeling now.
Being on this forum has helped me and the love of my dogs helps me to keep going.
Please feel free to pm me if you need to talk, it was talking with my friend that got me through last week.
Sending you a hug.
Muldool