Myself and my brother are joint exectutors of my dad’s will, but he lives in Australia (and much as I love him, he’s not good at this stuff at the best of times!). So, having lost my dad very suddenly in February, I’ve found myself solely responsible for his estate and supporting my mum. Almost every single organisation I’ve dealt with has been hopeless. Different information every time I call, error after error that I thien have to call again to resolve, people refusing to speak to me even though I am on record as executor, and they have happily spoken to be the week before. Enagaged a solicitor to do probate 6 months ago, just received various initial paperwork today…clearly a load of stuff has been missed and we’re effectively only just starting the process. I have three young boys (8, 6, 3), a job and i’m writing my PhD thesis. The pressure of handling the estate is utterly crushing me. Sometimes I feel so resentful that my brother has just been able to grieve without having to deal with any of the bureaucratic nightmare that goes along with a death. This has already dragged me under once into depression and anxiety over the summer, and I’m going that way again, every time a piece of post lands on the doormat I can feel the overwhelming anxiety that it’s going to be another error or something else I have to deal with. I’m just sat in my office crying because it’s all got on top of me again. The responsibility of looking after my mum and making sure I do everything correctly so she is financially secure and protected feels overwhelming. My dad was really savvy with money and was always so on top of their financial affairs, and now all that responsibility has passed to me, at both a time in my life where I am least able to take it on, and when my resources are so low because of the shock and grief of losing my dad so suddenly.
Dear @AimsH
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your father. Nothing prepares you for the endless paperwork that is involved after a loved one has passed. You are so consumed by this that you are not having time to grieve.
You need to one day at a time, be gentle with yourself. Have a day off from the paperwork if you can (it will still be there tomorrow). Is there anything you can share with your brother that can involve him emailing companies or people to give you a break and time for you spend with your family and for you to have time to grieve?
I do hope will have time for yourself as this is important. Please continue to reach out any time, you are not alone, we are all here for you.
Take care.
Pepsi