Hello all I lost my mum last year it absolutely broke me. I was in such a bad place over Christmas the only thing I looked forward to was going to sleep so the day would end but feel like I’m coming out the other side of that now I now have hope, hope that not everyday will be pain but days I can smile and think of her some days I can do that now. But i find myself really struggling with the grief of my dad and siblings my little sister was only 17. I don’t know if this sounds crazy I have my dad a loving husband children, siblings, but I just feel totally abandoned. I’m also really ashamed to say im jealous of others grief for their pets and grandparents, (Of course everyone is entitled to their own grief and your own problems are your own problems, I hate that saying someone somewhere has it worse that doesn’t matter it’s your life and your pain and that’s valid) I’ve grieved for pets and grandparents and it’s devastating and no persons grief quantifies with another it’s personal and yours, I know that so I’m so ashamed of myself for feeling like that but I sit there and think yer but I’ve lost my mum but the world carries on moving and it feels like noone wants to speak her name through cause of upset, it was lockdown and when things eased noone wanted to mention it as of it never happened and she didn’t exist I often bring her up myself now to open the door to talk as it always comes from good intentions, but when someone pet dies or grandparent it feels like more people relate and they seem to get alot of support, it feels like my grief is too big and a burden that it’s side stepped. I’m in my late 20s the eldest and just feel all this sudden to be the new glue for us all and absolutely petrified if something happens to my dad (he had a health scare in December) I would have two younger siblings plus my own family I don’t know what I’m typing to be honest I don’t know if I’m turning bitter in dark moments or if this is just another part of my grief I’m surrounded by the most beautiful people and feel so so alone, noone relates, all anyone ever says is I can’t imagine, You’re amazing, You’re so strong. I’m not amazing and strong, I’m in pain, it’s just my life and you find away to get up in the morning and learn to live with the new you and your new reality.


Hello Loulou, first yes I feel your pain and so many others on here will also feel for you and also appreciate what you have written. Grief is personal and no one wants to upset you and mention your mother but you do seem to need to talk to someone and I hope there is someone close that you can open up to.
I think until it happens to you the pain of grief is hard to understand. When my dad went I couldn’t understood why I felt so hurt and lost and then as you say I felt very sad when we lost a cat which is strange but they are all part of out lives. The pain when my soulmate went is something else and you can’t analyse the emotions but as you say life goes on. Things do improve but our loved ones are always there because they are part of us so every time you see your dad tell him how much he means to you and if you can give him a big hug. Put on that brave face when you need to but also show your vulnerability occasionally so people can approach the subject of your mum. Take care of yourself. Sxxx