Mum died a month ago yesterday. It’s the first time I have used the word ‘died’. I say passed away, left us or I don’t say anything to anyone as I feel I am burdening them and I don’t want to upset them. Mum and Dad moved in 5 months ago as her health was deteriorating. In November she was admitted to hospital and I visited twice a day: taking Dad. Making sure I was coping with each stage. Keeping positive. Exuding positivity to keep everything spinning. Family, job and Dad. I have taken responsibility for most things and am now totally overwhelmed. Keeping this positive face is so hard when the tidal wave of grief is lurking. I am so afraid of letting go as I think I will never stop. I fill every hour with keeping busy. I want to do something for myself but get involved in other people’s needs. Dad’s (who is being amazing ), avoiding my sister who is just awful. Extended family who have found out about Mum’'s death (thanks social media) and are shocked. I don’t know how to say ‘stop’. Leave me to stop thinking. Let me be to grieve in my own way. Leave me to sit and do nothing. Instead I’m going along with other people. Letting them think I’m OK and ‘moving on’. I’very even started a new job! Great timing or what! Not telling Dad how I feel as I don’t want to add to his grief. But I can’t keep on supporting other people
So sorry to see this about your Mum. Just over six months and I find it hard to know how to express myself with what has happened. I say passed away mostly as I cannot bear the alternative.
Agree you need what people call ‘me time’. Another one with an awful sister and I find the only place I have some peace is in the bath and even then I am asked where I am going. It is like walking on eggshells I find. No answers for you but I do sympathise!
Thank you x