Drowning

Hi,
It is my first time on here and really hoping there is someone out there to talk to, who might understand how I am feeling right now. I lost my Mum in September last year and it has been an absolute whirlwind year of emotion. As I am the eldest of her 3 girls (29 yo), I was her next of kin so had to sort out all of the ‘admin’ and paperwork after her death, funeral etc…as well as trying to support my younger sisters and keeping their heads above water. I never really got chance to take in that she was gone. I don’t think I even grieved. I was just in shock and went into busy mode. I then got married in May of this year. We were planning the wedding when my Mum died and I wasn’t allowed to delay it after her passing as I was told it was the only happy thing my family members had to focus on. That was one of the hardest things, planning such a happy occasion when you feel numb inside. Nobody wanted to talk to me about Mum, just the wedding. I felt conflicted and guilty that I wasn’t as excited as I should be so tried to put on a show to make everyone feel better. Don’t get me wrong, marrying my husband WAS the best day of my life, there was just a big hole where my Mum should have been.
It’s now 3 months after the wedding and just over 11 months since my Mum passed and it has finally hit me. She has gone and isn’t coming back. I miss her more than I ever thought was possible and the physical pain is unbearable. This has happened when everyone expects you to have moved on. I feel isolated and lonely and the person I would usually talk to when I feel sad, is the person who has gone. My husband and friends do try, but I think it scares them. Especially since such a period of time has passed and I was doing ok before.
If anyone could give me any advice, it would really be appreciated. I am feeling very overwhelmed right now!

Hi
Ican understand how you feel becsuse like you it takes a few months to sink in the reality of the situation, that someone you love dearly is never going to be there again .I am sure your mum would want you to be happy and not be mourning her lost. You have a loving husband, your life ahead of you ,be strong and enjoy the lifd you have. My situation is not quite the same but I had to face my daughters wedding 4 weeks after my husband of 40 years died. It was very emotional but my daughter quite rightly said it was very sad her dad was not there but she was determined to enjoy her very special day. I was very proud of how she handled the situation. Im alone now, living alone you and my daughter both have loving husbands you need to enjoy your life.
Thinking of you, Katy

Hi Hope
So sorry to here about the death of your beloved mum. My circumstances are a bit different to your as i lost my mum last June after she had been ill for 2 years and then unfortunately my eldest son was killed in an accident of May of this year so grief is my constant friend at the moment. I think after a year I had just about come to terms with my mum passing but when my son died the one person I really want ed to talk to was my mum, it was like I was grieving for her all over again,
Grief has no time limit but this I do know, that if you push it down and try to ignore it, it will come and bite you on the backside eventually. Losing someone is a massive thing especially when you have a special bond with that person. I allow the grief to come and wash over me, it overwhelmed me but I do not push it away because I think that if I do not acklodge it I could become unwell, either mentally or pysically.
I have been receiving counselling from a berevment charity which I have found really helpful, maybe think about seeking help in that way, either through your doctor or someone like cruise.
Your grief is perfectly natural, you will learn to walk with it and begin to smile when you think of your mum, but it will take time.
take care
Janet

Back to top