Hi I’m new to this my partner went into hospital Jan 2024 with his foot had a wound and was an ongoing problem he diabetic he ended up in local hospital then transferred to another hospital he showed signs of high potassium levels in his kidneys with high temperature ended up catching flu on ward went downhill fast after the flu he ended up with a cardiac arrest took 15 minutes to bring him back got him back he was put in an induced coma had sepsis and kidney and liver were the first to take the hit he been on the breathing ventilator and sedated for over 90days having reduced sedation to try him off ventilater put in a tracheostomy in the hope he would be weaned off sedation to be fully awake he was on dialysis on and off throughout to try to heal the damaged organs but each time he came off he had to be put back on dialysis as he wasn’t improving they took him off ventilator and put him on another smaller ventilator in the hope he would be weaned so can get through the stages of having the tracheostomy taking off he managed 1 day on the new ventilator and he deteriorated overnight 5.30 next morning got phone call to say there was nothing more they could do and everyone agreed that its in his interest to let him die with dignity I’m still waiting for him to pass its been a few days now and he still here I said my goodbye to him as unable to watch him take his last breath this is torture and I feel this sense that he suffering even though been told he isn’t I can’t imagine life without him I really don’t know how im going to get through this already feel lonely and lost and he hasn’t passed yet im waiting on that call i feel also guilty for not being with him at end but i also feel it’s right for me if that makes sense i was by his side throughout his ordeal 3months being with when it all happened i just feel i cant be with h to the very end and feel ive let him down when he probably needs me the most he has other family with him so he isn’t alone
@Bobofox
It was hard reading your post. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this prolonged ordeal. You are probably at your limit of endurance, you’ve been with him every step of the way and he would have known this, I’m sure, and he would have felt loved and cared for by you for all these months.
I expect that you are exhausted, physically as well as mentally. Look after yourself and do whatever you need to to preserve your well-being, it sounds like you’ve done enough now and all on your own, too.
Thank you I do the times he was originally seem to be improving over the days in critical care I got to have conversations and kisses and cuddles and knows who I was also seen my daughter and she got same is somewhat a comfort but the agony of him still hanging on and guilt I feel that I’m not there for his last breath is hard but it’s something I don’t want to remember hopefully it won’t be long it’s been 3rd day him still here I’d hate that he is suffering but been told he isn’t but nobody knows for sure even eating is a struggle I feel guilty I’m able to and ok and he not I’m not even sure that’s normal
Nothing about any of this is normal, it’s horrific. Take each hour as it comes and try to rest as much as you can.
Perhaps if you were with him he may try to hang on for you. I think you’re doing the right thing.
Im so sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like you have reached the end of your tether emotionally and what a traumatic ending for your partner.
I know your mind is in a turmoil and not wanting to see him take his last breath is understandable and we all punish ourselves with ‘what ifs?’
I was with my wife, when she died because thats what she wanted and she was frightened . Its not a pleasant thing to see, but in a way it gave me closure to three years of me caring for her at home
Take care.
The most important thing when he takes his last breath is that you loved him, nothing else matters now. You have said goodbye and he would know that. My husband was on life support for 4 days and I was in the same position. His body will be shutting down now so effectively he is already gone so do not think by being there it would help either of you. Hold on to whatever strength you have left to deal with what’s to come. I’m here 12mths later, you won’t feel or see it now but you will get through this in your own time and way. He will be at peace soon and that’s all you need to know. My husband had 3 cardiac arrests and bought back 20 mins of being gone and I was told if he came round and survived it would mean brain damage and that would have been an awful life. Big hugs
He has passed away 14th yesterday morning and already feeling like I can’t cope I’ve kept busy as much as I can but it’s not working this pure emptiness and wondering how I will get through I still can feel him hear his heartbeat it’s crazy I know but I can’t stop thinking of him in that cold dark place stomach is in knots while I’m living and trying to be normal he in that cold place feed guilty that I’m carrying on and angry with the world I’m angry that he didn’t listen to doctors about his health and that he was putting his life at risk and he didn’t listen just don’t understand why he didn’t listen life could of been so different now I’m left on my own to pick up the pieces
I’m so sorry he has passed. What you are feeling now is normal, it’s grief. Take things hour by hour as you have a lot to process and will be in shock. He’s not in any cold place only his empty body, his spirit is free and out of pain now. Like I said I have been where you are and it all takes time
@Bobofox I’m so very sad for you. Your feelings will be all over the place, please don’t think that you have to keep busy, definitely not what you need at this time. Try to take deep breaths, do whatever you need to do but please try to take care of yourself. Grief is a madness. He didn’t take care of himself, nor did mine, not at all, but it wasn’t up to us, they were adults.
We are all here for you, remember. X