Each days seems the same x

Hi , I have recently lost my wife/ best friend to a long battle with cancer . She was fighting on and off for 14 years until beginning of last year we were told no more treatment was available. We managed to grab some good times in the last few months but she slowly disappeared in front of my eyes and died in October. I kept busy with sorting stuff out and got through Christmas and her birthday. I decided to go back to work this month and took on a new position thinking it might help but I was wrong . I seem to have hit a wall and can’t cope with everyday life . Everyone seems to just be getting on with things but I’m stuck inside this bubble and can’t get out . I have a 16 year old daughter who has been totally amazing and is the only thing that’s keeping me going . I just miss my wife so much , any advice would be gladly appreciated Daz x

Hi
Just keep doing what you’re doing one day at a time.
My wife died on 2nd July from cancer we only had three weeks from diagnosis till she died and only for my 3 kids I would not be here. We all feel stuck at times and live life in a fog. There is no fixing this I believe I will carry this till I die. My life feels empty and lonely and there seems no point in carrying on but somehow we have to. Sorry I’m not more positive but I’m having a bad time at the moment the sadness seems never ending.
Take care William

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Hi William thx for replying. There doesn’t seem an end at the moment and I feel like I’m becoming a burden on friends and work . I’ve tried to get things back to normal but of course there is a different normal now and it doesn’t feel right . I guess the only thing I can say is try stay positive for our kids , it’s what keeps me going x

Good morning Daz. My situation was similar to yours my husband had cancer for ten years but never received any treatment, they didn’t seem to think it was worth it. So we concentrated on helping ourselves with everything I could find out. To cut a long story short, the months we should have had went to all those extra years. I became totally obsessed with keeping him alive. He became stronger and stronger. We are ramblers, cycled, dabbled in rock climbing, grew our own organic veg and fruit on our allotments and my husband was a keen musician, painter, photographer. So much to live for and he still wanted to do. Yet like your situation the dreaded C got the better of us and the last year he went slowly away from me. Until the final two months where he relied on me for every part of his care. I was determined he would stay with me with no outside help which I managed although told I would never cope. When he succumbed and passed away for a moment it was a relief, he wasn’t in pain any more. But now three months on I find my life so changed, I so miss him, but I know he is still with me in spirit, so I draw strength from that. I make sure that I keep myself busy everyday. I have a huge area at the allotment to keep in order. I don’t need all this space now but it’s so therapeutic, even if I have to give my veg away I will keep going. That is all we can do. Keep trying. I had a good morning yesterday on the allotment, having a chat to other plot holders, everything seemed normal however in afternoon, I had to sort out some of his paperwork and bang, I came down with a bump. Tears again. All those years of caring and living in hope it’s such an anticlimax when it comes to an end. They’ve gone. So you see were all trying to keep going, you are not alone. We all understand exactly how you feel. Like you I don’t want to become a burden, so I have learnt to have two faces. My smiley, chatty one when out and my sad, weepy one when in the house. You have your kids to think about and that will give you strength I am sure.

Hi Pattidot , I totally get the 2 faces you have to have these days . I find I shut myself off at the moment, which I know is the worse thing to do . I’m trying counselling and hoping it helps but it’s hard with everyday being the same and everyone goes on with their life’s like nothing has happened. X

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