Can’t help thinking back to last Easter, We were so happy although my husband had been diagnosed with terminal lung and spine cancer in the February we were so happy to see and be with each other. He had been in hospital for a month and because of covid I was not allowed to visit him. We were so optimistic because he was doing so well and starting a new treatment which hopefully would give us a couple more years together. But it was not to be as he died a couple of months later. I am really struggling at the moment to cope with anything. It was only seven months ago he died but everyone seems to have forgotten except me. I seem to be the target of constant scammers trying to get bank account details from me both on the phone and in emails. Apparently my husband has just signed up to all these betting accounts, well that be impossible. It’s a scary world out there. Will I ever get used to be alone and having to make decisions. It’s all just so horrible and lonely.

Dear @Misty2012

I am sorry for the loss of your husband and for everything your are going through. With phone calls I would block the number if you do not recognise it unless you have dialled it. If you do not recognise the email just delete it. Unfortunately there are a lot of scammers around and it is on the increase.

You need to take one day at a time and one decision at a time and be gentle with yourself. It is scary as now you are the one having to do all this. Do you have family or friends that can help and support you?
Have you connected with members on here under the topic Losing My Husband/Losing a Partner. The support and understanding is incredible here.

If you are struggling with certain decisions and do not know where to turn to there is always the Citizens Advice for help.

Here at Sue Ryder you will find information and support on Coping with Grief and Bereavement which will be of help to you.

Please take care of yourself and continue to reach out. You are not alone.


Hello Misty

I’m so sorry about your loss and my thoughts resonate with yours. Not so much the scammers, but being forgotten. If you don’t know how to block phone calls on your landline, ring your provider and if they are coming to your mobile, contact this provider as well. Blocking and reporting should be quite easy after this. I never open emails if I don’t recognise them, I just delete them straightaway.

I can’t help thinking back to last Easter as Ian seemed so fit and well. A visit to the doctor after thinking something wasn’t quite right, resulted in a stage 4 cancer diagnosis and he passed away 7 weeks later on April 29th. I can’t understand how he must have been riddled with cancer over last Easter but there were no symptoms.

It’s been 42 weeks now and I’m still struggling to come to terms with what happened. Other people on this site do, but I just can’t. It is a horrible and lonely place that we find ourselves in but some people do manage to make their way out of it and I hope you are one of them.

Take care

Julie x

Thank you for your reply my husband had no symptoms at all either, until he thought he had pulled a muscle in his shoulder, we were just going through life quite happily and just out of the blue this happens. It was such a shock and like you I cannot understand how a person is riddled with cancer and not know about it. Even after seven months I can’t get my head around it. It just feels that it cannot have happened to us. I also feel so angry at the injustice of it all. Grief is so horrible, I have such ups and downs I think I am doing well and then something happens like a difficult day at work and down I go again. I just wish others didn’t expect me to be over it.

Hello Misty

Like you, I just can’t ‘understand’ how I am in this situation of grieving for Ian. I often have heard myself crying ‘why us’ and ‘this can’t be happening’. Stupid I know, as cancer can take anyone with no warning and no reason.
We were going through life quite happily as well and had so many plans for the future. We had both retired and moved away to live in Devon but there was to be no happy ever after….
You must do and feel whatever is right for you. It might be worth listening to Megan Devine on You Tube. Her book title says it all, ‘It’s ok not to be ok’. Nobody should ever be feeling that their time for grieving is up and they should now just move on. Comments like this are hurtful and demonstrate no understanding of what grief can do to a person.
I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I can’t really. All I can say is that you are not alone in feeling as you do as many of us on here feel the same.

Take care of yourself,

Julie x