is it ok to still feel horrible at this stage I’m in two worlds at the moment one where I know he’s gone but the other waiting for him to come home and say what’s all the fuss about IAM getting better but still want to.cry I do chicken out sometimes and come to stay at my mam’s when I feel upset that I can’t stay in my house I stay there during the week days but come to hers on the weekend when my children come I stay in my own house my friend has told me recently to get over robs ldeath now and to stop the crying and to get a new life I know she has been there for me and is the only friend I have I’ve noticed now that I’m quiet when I go and see her which I apologise for is she wrong with her words
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Hi sandypaws, it’s almost 7 months since I lost my beautiful wife Jackie after 63 years of marriage and I know your pain there isn’t a day passes that I don’t cry.living without Jackie is unbearable,so yes it is ok to feel as you do,I don’t go out anywhere so at least you have a friend to see.but for your friend to tell you to get over Robs death and move on I think is terribly cruel,she obviously hasn’t lost a partner and doesn’t know the pain.saying that I feel if you can keep going out it will benefit you in the long run.youwill find that most of us on here are in the same dark place and dont feel we will ever accept our loss.try to keep positive ,it’s OK to cry and talk to Rob im sure he would want you to try to move forward but I don’t know how to. I hope you get some peace and wish you well. Regards Dave
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I can’t understand has she knows what pain is like has she lost a child
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Oh @Sandypaws022 it makes me so angry, and so sad when I hear about friends telling you to get over it. 
Ive been there and been on the receiving end of those conversations. Your friend may be well intentioned but its simply not helpful. You are probably now quiet with her because of fear of being judged if you are honest with her - thats what I found happened with my friends. Everyone is different- your friend may have dealt with her loss in a totally different way. One of my friends had lost her mum and her solution was to go out and force herself to do stuff, so she wanted to dictate that i should do the same when I lost my mum - she couldnt understand that we are such different personalities, that I have to navigate my own path.
It is perfectly normal to feel horrible after 8 months - thats no time at all. If it brings you any consolation, grief writer David Kessler puts a very loose definition of “early grief” as around 2 years, while recognising that everyone is different. You may well find as you reach the 1 year milestone, a lot of people assume everything somehow should revert to “normal”. Please dont feel under pressure or judged- this is YOUR grief and you are the one carrying that pain. Do what feels right for you. In my experience my old friends were waiting for me to return to the “old me” that they knew before. Its been over 2.5 years since I lost my mum and ive realised im changed forever, the old me doesn’t exist anymore. Personally I had to find new friends via support groups that had no prior knowledge of me so they just accept me as I am today without trying to change me or gloss over my pain. Whilst I still have my old friends, I feel more guarded when I am with them, and its only my newer friends I feel I can be totally honest and relaxed with.
Sending warm wishes 
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Hi Sandipaws I wonder if your friend thinks it may push you into “moving on” if so im afraid she has got it all wrong .maybe if you mention to her that it hurts you so much when you are told to “get on with life” as your life is never going to be the same again.but some people I know have lost there partners and seam to carry on almost as they were before there loss.i can only say take your time ,crying is OK I do every day and night im sure the people on here will give you support ,hope you can feel a little better each passing day. All the best try to keep positive and believe in yourself. Regards Dave
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Hi and sorry for your loss
Your friend is utterly insensitive if she thinks there’s a timeline when you get over someone’s death, especially a partner. I take it she’s never walked in your shoes ? I’m just over nine months into grief following my partner’s sudden death and I’m nowhere near “getting over”. It. To be honest I don’t think I ever will, and that’s ok. Grieve at your own pace, in your own time. You don’t need someone else’s permission to be sad. For the first 3 months or so I stayed at my sister’s quite a lot but I’m a bit more settled in my own house now. The house still feels empty and silent but a bit less intimidating than at the start. I hope you eventually find peace. Take care.