Emotional detachment

Coping with bereavement
1

Hello,

This is my first time posting, and I’m a little nervous, but could really do with some advice, reassurance, and support.

I’m in my mid 40s and I lost my Mum 10 years ago. I lost my Dad 4 months ago today. Our relationship was rocky as he left my Mum when I was young due to an affair he was having. That, said, he was still my Dad, and for all the rubbish memories and resentment I do have fond memories also.

I was not prepared for how his passing would make me feel. I feel the “abandonment” like when he left (I know that’s silly, but it’s how I feel and I can’t shake it). With no parents I feel like I have lost my identity, and the pressure of being alone and not having parental support/guidance for back up is unbearable.

As the weeks and months have passed, I have isolated myself more and more from my husband. I don’t want to be intimate with him (kissing, cuddling, or anything else). I’m not sure if this is resentment and to an extent hatred that he still has both parents but makes little time or effort to see or talk to them. Everytime I have tried to voice my feelings of loneliness and frustration with him, I just get shot down (I’m an adult, I need to deal with it and move on for the sake of our own teenage children). Is how I’m feeling and behaving a) normal and understandable and b) rational?

I’m dreading Christmas.

Thanks in advance for any advice/support.

2

Hi @Toni5,

Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your parents. You are not alone. I’m not sure if you’ve seen our Losing a parent category. But there you can connect with other members who are living with grief after losing a parent.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support to you. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful to read.

I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care and keep reaching out :blue_heart:

Alex

1 Like
3

Hi @Toni5 , really sorry to hear your story. Many of us have “traumatic - like” things from our childhood which seem to hard-wire how we think for the rest of our lives, and we are totally unaware of it, even less understand it!. I had this situation for a few years , and I couldn’t understand why.
I hope I understand your situation, but if I get it right you might find some understanding if you google " Carl Jung, shadow".
It gave me understanding and the ability to accept and modify how I behaved. It was a huge step forward for me in my quest for peace and calmness. I really hope it helps you, and I wish you luck and you can find more peace for yourself.
If I can help further let me know :pray:

1 Like