Hello. I lost my partner five weeks ago to suicide. Our time together had been beautiful and perfect and we were in the process of moving jobs and towns to move in together. The last six months his mental health deteriorated and I did everything I could to support him through and stay hopeful that all would be well. Since losing him my world has flipped upside down and ive lost the strength, hope and positivity that always got me through life. The emotional pain of a few weeks ago has gone from an intense feeling of dying inside to internal and external shaking and overwhelming anxiety facing any situation outside of the safe bubble ive put myself in. Ive started to not want to go out or speak with anyone when a few weeks ago I was able to. I can feel my own mental health starting to feel fragile when I have always been so good at self caring. I have a stressful job teaching that I feel pressurised (my own doing) to return to next week. Is this anxiety and shaking, loss of strength and resilience a normal emotional response to grief and this type of loss? The last six months have been really traumatic. What can I do to get back to life without feeling like I’m going to totally break. Thank you for any support and my thoughts are with everyone also grieving.
I too have this internal shaking, feel physically sick & want to curl up into a ball. I lost my Husband of 34 years to cancer over 11 weeks but although different from your situation the grief is similar.Sending hugs
Me too with the internal shaking (and sometimes external shaking)! I visited the doctor and was told this is “normal” for what I (we) are going through. Was offered anxiety tablets but didn’t take them and the shaking is lessening most days, unless I have to deal with things like car insurance, utilities etc., they set me off again. Grief is still here I guess.
Hello Tali
I lost my husband to MND in May but his mental health declined over a period of time ,of about 2 years prior to this.
From my experience, i recognise that i need to recover from the trauma i feel from being his carer during the decline is his mental health .As well as his death.
I have managed not to return to work.I view myself as needing to recover.I am trying to seperate the ill Martin from the real Martin ,in my mind ,during this time.
I wonder if you may recognise some of my experience and thoughts in what you are going through.
Your job sounds similar to mine in that you will be responsible for people who rely on you.
I have had to recognise that i am not capable of supporting others , on the long term,yet.
If there is a way of not returning to work then i would advise you not to do so yet. My G.P has given me a fit note that simply states “bereavement”
I hope you can get support in this way too.
Yes i also shake without feeling it ,particularly when i walk downstairs etc.
Take care
Kim X
Thank you for messaging back. Its reassuring to know it is similar to what you are experiencing and not just me. Yes nausea and wanting to curl up too. Sorry to hear you are feeling this way too.
Thank you for your reply. Its good to know it isnt just me with the anxiety and shaking. Am trying kalms and passiflore and no coffee but no change so like you say the grief is there.
Hi @Tali ,
So sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 1 and a half years ago, and just two months ago started experiencing intense anxiety, it literally come out of no where. Everything in my life was going ok and i thought i was in a good place with my grief for mum. I suffer more of a tight chest and sickness / stomach issues, mornings are the worst. I posted on here and come to the realisation that anxiety is a part if grief, also went to see my GP who agreed and prescribed me beta blockers which have helped massively with the physical symptoms of my anxiety. I have days where i just want to stay in bed but i force myself up and to keep going as i know if mum was still here this is what she would encourage me to do, so i do it for her. Some days are easier than others but i keep pushing through. Your not alone in this journey, one day at a time and keep posting, i find this site a great comfort. Sending Hugs Xxx
Hi Kim. Thanks for your message. Sorry to hear about your experience. I can definitely relate to most of what you say. This isnt just about losing him, it is also about the months of traumatic events going through his difficulties with him hoping he would be well again… You are right that I have to also heal from that and that I am not going to be able to support anyone on my team or students until im strong enough and not needing so much support for myself. I will remember that when feeling guilty about taking too much time out from my work responsibilities. Seem to have lost myself in the process of losing him so a lot of healing to be done on that and being strong enough to set boundaries and make that the priority. Thank you x
Hi FeeBell
Thanks for your reply and so sorry to hear about your mum. This anxiety came from no where too. Its like one day it was a hurting pain like a hole in my chest and it disappeared and I thought finally the weight of grief is lifting and im feeling a little better but then the next day it had changed into this shaking and suffocating anxiety. I think im going to do the same as you and ask for the beta blockers as i know they do help… Agree too that the support of this community is a godsend. Take care x
Hi Tali
You’ve been through such an awful time, no wonder you are anxious and shaky. Don’t let these feelings stress you even more. I think it’s your bodys’ way of coping with your mental stress, well that’s what I tell myself and it seems to calm me down a bit. As the saying goes “We are only human”. Biggest hug x