@Hazel.1966. That’s okay.
I feel we have so much in common on what you’ve explained, my partner died 6/2/2023 he had pancreatic cancer was diagnosed 2017 , massive op chem , radiotherapy etc ( I’d had breast ca in 2013 ) ops , chemo , rads so we knew how to look after each other . We were told sept 2019 it was back for him and inoperable . The smile and joy of life held me up I honestly thought he would never die of this terrible disease but last march I slowly watched him disappear till he died feb , I stayed every night with him in hospice , got him home on a Friday he died early Monday morning . 58 years old , he did say to me in the hospice that this dying lark is easier to accept when you feel so ill. Told me to be happy once he’s gone !! Happy , I could scream our village grown with pain but he smiles till the end . Take care I know it’s no consolation but others feel your pain xxx it’s the worst thing ever I hope our happy memories come back , watching someone you adore disappear in front of you is massive trauma xxx
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Thank you @Martju for your kind words and I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died in my arms at home with our sons there which is exactly where he wanted to be. He was amazing and so strong right until the very end. One of the last things he said to me was that I still make his spine tingle when I say I love him! I can only hope he still feels the tingles when I say those words now.
Recently I’ve been struggling even just to get up out of bed. I’m lying wide awake but it’s like I can’t move, I’m stuck there and I just keep wondering why my husband was the one who was taken when he had so much to live for and he had so much to offer this world when I feel so useless.
I honestly have no idea how I’m going to live without him. Everyone says it gets easier as time goes on but I’m feeling like it’s getting harder. I’m just stuck in the moment but he told me to just take one day at a time so that’s what I’m trying to do.
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