That is what I have told many bereaved people . But when my wife died in 1994, there wasnt any help at all. But I’m not going dwell on the past, but look forward and be positive and love myself more .
I am looking for new adventures and possibly companionship, if the affection Angels will permit it for me? Keith the poet x
Dear Viv
Like you I read a lot of the posts on this forum for a long time before I posted
A lot of what I was reading mirrored how I feel so I guess I felt the need to communicate with people who truly understood
I totally understand and empathise with your heartbreak and the shock of your husbands sudden passing.
Your brain just refuses to believe that it’s possible that the love of our lives can just suddenly be gone.
My darling husband of 38 wonderful and loving years passed away in his sleep from a massive fatal embolism, his arm was still around me.
He was fit and well, its 18 months on and I still can’t accept that he’s really gone forever.
Such a lose can never be understood by anyone but those of us that are going through it.
You will find that there are many others here feeling exactly as you are.
I’ve found that this group has helped to show me that I’m not going mad.
As many others will tell you, it’s one day at a time and hope that one day we can find ourselves again.
I don’t recognise myself anymore, maybe you feel the same.
Take care and a big hug
Christine xx
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Hi Christine
It’s awful to go through a sudden loss, the shock is hard to deal with, it takes a long time just to get out of the shock phase. Its probably best for our loved ones, just harder for us. I don’t know how you dealt with waking up to find your hubby. I know how I was to find mine laying on the floor. his heart just stopped. I honestly thought he had fallen asleep. I can’t get out of my head that I was in another room when it happened.
I needed to receive your message today, and had a cry while reading it. I have had a tough few days. It’s been bad at work, and I would normally have talked it out it wouldn’t seem that bad. After I had my moan he would end with “if you don’t like it pack it in, you don’t have to go”. But now there is nobody to talk it out with, so it just seems worse, and goes on for longer. It hits home how alone we are. I am not sure if I am just being overly sensitive, but I just feel there never seems to be a “how are you doing” and just no help and very little support. I was feeling really anxious, but better for reading your post, it meant a lot x
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Dear Viv
If my post helped you in some small way I’m really pleased
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time at work, made so much worse for you not having your dear husband to comfort you.
It’s a heartbreakingly lonely life for us now, I feel lonely even with people around as it sounds do you
As you say the shock is hard to come to terms with, I think it probably stays with us.
I’ve been over all the what ifs a million times as I’m sure have you.
I try not to think any further than each day
I wish I could think of some words of comfort for you but I’m stumbling around in the dark myself
Take care and I hope you manage to get some rest tonight
Nights are hard, sometimes I just can’t go to bed
A big hug
Christine xx
Thanks Christine , speak soon x
Hi Viv
Your words reminded me how hard it was to have nobody to talk to about work at the end of a bad day. It makes you feel very lonely. Then some people would talk to their partner about their bad day and then come in to work the next morning still going on to me about how hard life is! Made me so mad, I had no partner to vent to! It all just had to go round and round my head. I remember it being horrible. It just emphasizes you’re on your own doesn’t it?
Take care
Chris
Hi Chris - Yes it does I know I overthink things and see more in something than there is. We all probably do due to the circumstances we are in. Speak soon x
Viv
What you write is completely true and it’s all part of the grief process.
Although we are all bereaved and may go through similar journeys.
none of us we feel or act the same, because we are each our unique selves
Grief affects us all differently and its hurt will not be the same for anyone.
Try to smile occasionally if you can , but never feel guilty for any moments of happiness you may have
Regards mr chipps
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Thank you Keith x
Viv . You are most welcome xx
Would it be appropriate to suggest joining a walking group. You get to meet people and may help with the loneliness. I too lost my Mother in May, so I know the pain you are going through, it is extremely hard.
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Hi - Thanks, I have looked into this. Take care x
As well as a walking group. Perhaps you could consider joining a U3A group as they have a great many activities going on including walking groups
Many members are bereaved and over time you could possibly make new friends
I do voluntary work and and feel valued and part of my local NHS as z volunteer governor. In an NHS trust treating and caring for people with mental health issues.
I have recently become a volunteer with an Aphasia support group for people who have lost the ability to speak , or communicate properly , because of partial loss of memory !!