Back in it with only my own thoughts, sadness and emptiness eat away at me when I’m here
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@Sah28
I am going to bed later and later, it’s just so lonely. The way I feel tonight after a miserable day, it would be easier to sleep on the sofa.
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It’s so hard I’ve debated the sofa too but if I do it once I don’t think I’d ever go to bed again
I hope you managed to sleep and that it will get easier with time, Sah28. I’m actually the opposite, spending most of my spare hours (when I’m at home) in our bed with my phone or sometimes a book as I can’t face the loungeroom or TV without him there. I get an awful feeling in my stomach whenever I try.
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I find our bedroom the closest place to ky wife, it may sound bad but i have four photos of her and her ashes in here, its the room she passed away in whilst i held her. I turn her pillow round, chat and kiss it good night then put my arm around it like we always used to do. I sleep very very well as i feel my wife is here. Day times are worse for me and i cant eat.
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@John1066. There’s nothing bad about having four photographs of your wife in your bedroom, have as many as you need. I feel closest to my husband in our bedroom and sleep with his pillow. I kiss his photograph and feel him with me. Glad you sleep well but please eat.
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H John. As Rome said, it doesnt sound bad - you obviously love your wife deeply and are going through dreadful pain after her loss.
I also have photos which are kissed multiple times a day, and the top my beloved was wearing when he passed away is folded on top of his ashes. I slept with it clutched to my chest for the first couple of months after he passed, then felt able to move it to where it is now.
Eating is very difficult in the early stages, I lost about 13KG and by that time my daughters were becoming concerned. I then made an effort for them by trying to eat small mouthfuls over the course of the day and made sure I included all the main food groups. It helped me feel less dizzy and over time halted the weight loss. Maybe that strategy could help you?
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Thank you for your reply, I too sleep with my wife’s things on her pillow too. I feel it’s the closest I can be. In bed is the best time for me, i just go to bed by 9pm and dont get up till 10am. I used to be up at the sign of any light before my wife passed.
I want my wife to cone and get me soon. Nothing else matters, no purpose.
I too any getting dizzy, suppose it’s with not eating.
I hope I don’t sound, it’s all about me, I hope people on here are feeling somehow more accepting every day.
Thanks again.
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It definitely doesnt sound like it’s all about you, John. Keep posting about your experiences and how you’re feeling, it will hopefully help you in some way to unburden here.
For me the lack of food was causing the dizziness, but it might be a good idea for you to get checked out by the GP just in case there is another cause that might need treating.
Sending caring thoughts your way as you travel this hard road xx
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Me too, empty shell of a person, led waiting
It’s awful it’s like a whole piece of you went too, hate going to bed every night still 
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I wish we could turn the clock bavk and avoid whatever went medically wrong. But agh no way,
I just have to wait to be called… i cant wait. I think every second about my beautiful wife, i hope shea happy, just wish i could be too.
We still don’t know what happened he just dropped down in Belgium. I’m 44 so could be waiting for ever. If only we could turn back the clock
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So hard that, not knowing what happened. My wife wanted to be at home, it was a pretty bad 2 weeks after 3.5 years of chemo etc. Ahhh she passed at 07:28 in our bedroom in my arms… beautiful. Her last words the day before was thats he loved me and she tried to kiss me, im so so so lucky to have had 18.5 yrars with her.
Trouble is its never enough time, and we always want to turn rhe clock back. I think we could have had private scans every year, that might have spotted things earlier? But its not going yo bring my beautiful wife back.
All on focus on now is waiting and making her proud…
Hopefully you got him home?
I did 3 weeks later embalmed in Belgium no post mortem he just suddenly dropped down 4 different causes of death local corner said nothing matched up post mortem done here still waiting
Oh no, that’s all additional grief, i feel for you so much. I hope things get sorted soon. That would be a very small part of understanding wouldnt it. I guess you mind is all over the place, anyones would be.
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Aww @Sah28 i feel your pain and it must be awful playing the waiting game. My husband died abroad too and he had to have a digital autopsy here in the uk, it was agonizing waiting for the results but it was quite a fast process. Everything else goes on hold until it’s done.
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