It’s just over a month since I lost my Dad. The immediate pain has gone but now I just have an empty feeling. And sometimes my brain tricks me by making me feel as if nothing much has changed, then I feel guilty for thinking that. And random things will make me cry, like a cheesy song on the radio. Anyone relate?
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Hello yes I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Will be 8 weeks tomorrow since I lost my mum. I felt really mixed up at the stage you are at just now. 4 weeks on and I feel my grief has changed. Its more intense periods of really missing my mum but I don’t feel as empty and low as I did x
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Hello and welcome to the forum, it’s often the cheesy and random things which set us off. Sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. I joined this forum just after Mum passed in Dec 2022. Many wonderful people on here who will support you and listen . No judgement. We all walk a different grief journey and boy does it creep up on you. I also lost Dad very recently. I had seriously underestimated how this would impact. Keep talking and remember you are not alone. Jules x
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Thank you so much. I have lost my Mum too, in 2012. Life just feels too quiet, like I can hear my own thoughts. I have 2 teenagers and a lovely husband but miss my Dad and his gentle personality
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So sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad nearly 4 weeks ago. I feel guilty as I don’t feel sad all the time and feel like I should be? He wouldn’t have wanted me to be sad. I miss him so much and would give anything to spend one more hour with him 
.
Sending you a big hug 
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Ah yes, this is quite normal. And some days you will find something makes you cry in a good way as it’s a happy memory and other times you will cry because you feel sad, angry or lonely. And quite often it will be the exact same thing that triggers it only on a different day! It’s very up and down. Be kind to yourself
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@Helenpc I feel the same. My Dad and I were very close and yet I haven’t cried very much at all. I’ve had a “carry on/ get things done” type of attitude. I think part of it is denial, part of it is displacement activity. But I think you’re right…our Dads wouldn’t want us to be consumed with sadness
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Thank you. I realised today that I am keeping it in when I am around others. Today I had some alone time and I felt it a bit more.
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I’m so sorry for your loss @Maccacross. Don’t ever feel guilty for your feelings, happy or sad, as they’re all part of the grieving process. You sound like you had a lovely relationship with your Dad and like me, I miss his quiet, gentle nature. My Dad passed late November '23 and it was after a sudden illness and short hospital stay. It was a great shock to us all, even though he was nearly 92. I don’t know how we got thru Christmas that year but still exchanged gifts, raised a toast to my Dad. Looking back I think we were all so numb and maybe that’s what got us thru it all. The service was between Christmas and New Year.
I’ve got a very small family but we’ve always been able to talk and laugh when remembering my Dad and that’s always helped us. We miss him such a lot but I try not to ever feel guilty when laughing or being happy - he was such a joyful person and he would have loved that my life hadn’t died with his. My Goddaughter read a beautiful poem for me at his service and it has summed up more and more as I feel as the days have turned into months since I last saw him.
Sending you 
You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
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I can relate to that all it takes is one song to bring back memories of my beloved mum and dad, I lost them both within 9 and a half weeks of each other, so i do feel you’re pain. Here if you want to talk x
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Funnily enough I just got really emotional listening to a few of my Dad’s favourites songs on YouTube. It’s sort of a good thing though, cathartic and through his favourite songs, films etc I feel he’s still here. I’ve just put “Only Connect” on because he loved that and we used to message each other about it.
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@Eponine Songs are really powerful and make us feel all sorts of emotions, my dad loved Chuck Berry and the song he picked for the coffin to be carried in was Johnny B Goode if you’ve ever heard the song you will think what a ridiculous song choice to carry a coffin into but it made us smile as he’d be up there laughing watching my brother, husband and son trying not to dance down the aisle carrying him. That’s the kind of humour he had and I miss him soo much xx
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Sometimes you need a little laughter in the darkness…nothing wrong with that. Your Dad sounds like a lovely man, no doubt he is very proud of you
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Thank you for this beautiful poem. Thanks to all the others for your thoughts too. I am busy so my emotions sometimes take me by surprise. The song that set me off was ‘true colours’ because through my Dad’s illness I saw his true colours, bravery, love, kindness and faith. Lots of love to everyone in this thread
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