Empty & Numb

I’m nearly 3 years on & I’m struggling with my evolving feelings of grief. I don’t cry as often although when I do I have to shut myself away & I can talk about My Derek without breaking down, I have accepted reluctantly that he’s not going to walk back through the door. But the emptiness & numbness I’m left with now seems worse somehow. I miss the feeling of being loved unconditionally, being told I’m beautiful when I’m not feeling good about myself, walking hand in hand with him, stealing a cheeky kiss & cuddle. I feel incomplete without him & I’m struggling to see how I live my life without him.
I’m now getting the, “you’re still young, you could find someone else” comments but what people don’t realise is that I’m lonely for him & no one else could ever fill that void. I know people do go on & meet other partners & are happy but that’s not the same for everyone. Not only the fact no one would ever compare but I don’t think I’d want to open myself up to this hurt again.
Take care everyone :heart:


I am 18 months on from the worst day of my entire life and I feel exactly the same as you I agree with everything you’ve said . I will never ever consider anyone else or ‘moving on’ either but so many do and they just don’t get it . I know that 3 years on and forever I will feel the same as you.
Take care hugs to you x


Paul died 24th July 2022 as you say the worst day of my life
Married 44 years…… feel lonely lost numb empty and totally heartbroken
No one loved me as much as Paul
Struggling hourly
Sending hugs


Hi Jodel

I lost Ian 16 months ago now and like you, the emptiness and numbness feels worse than ever. I still can’t really accept he’s gone and that I will never see him again.
I don’t want a future without him as he enabled me to be who I was. Without him I am just another lonely person with no meaningful future.
I can distract myself but what is the point. I will wake up to an empty house and go to sleep in one as well, no matter what I do during the day.
I don’t want to be here anymore but nobody seems to listen or understand. This is not the future I wanted or should have to endure.



Hello @Trixie1
I too wish I wasn’t here.
I often think all the years left I have without Marti.
I don’t want to meet anyone else, he is all I yearn for, he was amazing and we were extremely close and every day gets harder without him.
I get so annoyed when someone says to me ‘how are you’ and I say ‘not bad’ then they say, ‘good, good’ they have no clue how utterly devastated I am, but I guess it’s the mask I hide behind, that they think I’m OK.

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I too feel the same
When asked how I am I tend to say fine
Folk accept and want to hear that as they don’t know what to say if I say it’s shit
As you say they have absolutely no idea what losing the love of your life actually is doing to us
I have a very small handful of friends who actually listen but admit they don’t know how I am feeling
The lostness is unbearable the empty ness loneliness
Im one now and utterly hate it carnt even say the word widower……
Hugs to all like me struggling and hurting and heartbroken every single minute


You could be me Bess. I keep hugging myself to try and keep me going, so stupid. Xx

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Hi Tansy
All I can say during the day I’m awake in a total daze/ nightmare but awake
I look a wreck have 2 ‘lots’ of alternate clothes and that’s it
I’m just getting worse tears flow constantly day and night
Miss Paul so much it mentally and physically aches and I’m having counselling……

Hugs to everyone