Hi my names Victoria, my partner died on the 24 may , he was diagnosed with cancer on the 26 March , we have been together 26 years my first love and Im completely lost without him ,( we have 5 children 3 with a liver disease , ) first it was sorting the service out how he would want it , kept me going because I was doing something for him , he alway told me what to do a bit of a control freak , so I did that now he’s service is over and everyone gone which is good but now i feel lost and I cry more I have days that I get up and just feel like I’m empty and I miss that person that makes me whole I spend my time waiting thinking he’s going to walk though the door , none sees this if I get upset the kids do , people think they can help and they can’t , and I feel horrible telling them so you tell them your fine and your ok and your not
Sorry a bit long
Not long at all Vict0ria.
I know how you feel. I still think my Andrew might walk through the door. Life is a bit of a juggling act right now and I feel exhausted at the beginning and end of each day. I am sure that you also feel like that. Like you, I feel lost and empty. But all of this is normal even if rather cruel. It is OK so say that you are not OK and to explain to people that even though their help is very much appreciated, they cannot really understand how you feel because they are not in your shoes.
By all means, accept all the good help you can get and is offered to you and thank those people who are kind enough to offer it. However, the healing process has to start from within and it will take time, maybe a long time. You are lucky you have family with you. I am on my own and if it weren’t for my cousin in Italy calling me twice a day, I have no-one to talk to. That is when I miss my Andrew the most.
Love and hugs.
Sonia xx 
Hi Victoria, and welcome to the group. Sonia has just said what I was just typing. One of the most important things in our recovery is to talk about your partner, it’s very therapeutic to do so. People can help by just listening, but they cant fix it. If people ask how you are, be honest by saying eg “Im struggling”. Sadly, some will give a simple response and leave. However, some will stand by your side and let you talk and just listen and ask you about things. I was lucky, quite a few people stood by me, and it was a huge help. They also gave practical help in sorting any issues out.
So don’t hide your grief, it will only keep it going. Accept help from anyone who will listen, it will shorten your recovery, when you will (no doubt surprising to you at the moment) think of your partner and share your thoughts and memories with him.
Good luck
Hi ,
I am new here, and new to any type of online chatting. I lost my husband of 37 years 5 weeks ago and his funeral was last Wednesday, I seemed to be coping quite well but these last couple of days I seem to be going backwards, I am crying every night and feel really empty inside, I think it coincides with me starting back to work as he was ill for a couple of years and was always there when I came home, now I just walk into a empty house , sorry for the long chat
Victoria and Flowerpot
Like me you are VERY early in the grieving stages.
All the advice above is spot on, I echo it all.
You WILL feel like this , it’s very normal I’m afraid .
Time and day by day and realise you will soon begin to rebuild something of a life for you , one you didn’t and won’t want but it’s here . Do everything at your own pace , cry when you wanna cry don’t bottle it up and expect just when you feel a wee bit better to breakdown and sob , it’s normal so let it out .
I think I’m superhuman, “strong” as they say which I hate but I’m not , 50% of me has died , I won’t ever get it back but I can get some of it back ok.
Please try and keep occupied, but also allow yourself days when you just want to shut out everything and anyone and be alone to grieve, think, cry, hate , hurt.
All normal and expected.
Keep posting here it really helps, so sorry for your loss, it’s shit
I know exactly what you mean , I feel like that I’m going backwards, I felt ok now I think with day to day I’m struggling , he did everything, the bills the house , with the children , I helped with there medical needs he sorted there education out we where a team , I miss the closeness ,I’ve tryed so hard to make the kids feel better ideas how they can remember dad , now I’m a mess
And yes people are there and I’ve tryed but now there like you need to move on and that’s why I don’t tell them anymore ,
This ‘need to move on’ is irksome and I wish people were not so quick in judging how someone else ought to feel and when.
It is down to you, me and anyone else in this situation to decide when we feel strong enough to move on.
At present, I take one step forward and two steps back. If anyone suggested that I should move on, I would tell them that I am the only person who can decide and who is going through some pretty traumatic times.
I wish you strength and well-being.
Sonia
Hi ten months since my world fell to pieces . We had been together 43 years married 39 years . To me it gets worse every day . I do have people living with me so I’m not alone but still lonely for my hubby and the happy life we had . I go to work as well only because I have to . Bills still have to be paid . I don’t understand what moving on is . What is there to move on too . What future is there . I get by each day . And cry each night . I just miss and love my hubby more and more each day . I don’t know if I will ever understand what to move on means and if I do I don’t know if I will ever move on . Thinking of you all xtake carex
Hi Broken2222
Your thoughts so echo mine. It’s been just over a year since my life was shattered and I’ve tried so hard to keep going, stay positive but without Ian, something is always missing. Whatever I do during the day, the reality is I’m returning to an empty house without Ian and wake up feeling the same.
Like you I think what future is there without Ian by my side. I have great support from family but they live a long way from me. I know my daughter just wants me to be happy again but she can’t understand how impossible that seems at the moment. My son is indifferent as to how I’m feeling and that hurts as well.
To be honest, I wish I had the courage to just disappear and put all this behind me.
Take care,
X Julie
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Hi it helps me to know my feelings are valid and other people feel the same . Sometimes . Very often I just think I’m feeling sorry for myself . But I don’t even know who myself is any more . I lost the me I knew ,ten months ago . This person who is living in my house and wearing my clothes isn’t me . I was always happy ,loved life, I did worry about stupid things but hubby always kept me right . I felt young , acted young . But now just hurt on top of hurt all the time . And I would love to just disappear out of this life . Thank you your reply has helped xtake carex