Am sitting with my Dad , not sure how much longer I will have with him. He stopped eating 3 weeks ago just a spoonful of food here and there and barely drinking last 2 days .
He has said he has had enough and doesn’t want to live any more , I feel so useless. I hold his hand tell him I’m there with him , today was just a few words back and blank staring. My tall 6 foot Dad is just skin and bone.
Part of me wants this cruel horrible suffering to end for him and part of me can not bare the thought of not being able to sit next to him. I feel so useless.
5 Likes
his greatest happiness is you being there.
it is a terrible time in life but one all of us must endure. be there fully for him, as much as it hurts. you will be glad that you were when you look back at this sad time.
you being here is of great comfort to him. and that is not at all useless. you are fulfilling the greatest duty of a lifetime. 
4 Likes
So sorry for what you are going through i was with my husband holding his hand when he passed away its hard but i got to tell him how much i loved him and one of the nurses said to me that my Husband would have known i was there with him and it would have been so nice for my husband to have spent his last hours with all his family around him when i think about what she said it was so true as my husband said with a smile on his face love you thank you for being here with me and a couple of hours later he was gone
2 Likes
Hi Gill68
I have just read your post.I sat with my mum 24/7for the last six weeks of her life and it was the most devastating time of my life.i had to keep all my emotions together for the majority of the time holding her hand feeding her and helping with her personal care.I got the chance or many chances to say everything I wanted to say to her and her to me so after she passed although it was trumatic for me I felt glad I was there. I felt useless at times because I had always done everything for my mum and I had always fixed everything for her.It was me she turned to for everything in life so it was so hard in the end not being able to fix her getting better. You are doing your dad proud and he will know you are there.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
2 Likes
@Gill68
Being with your Dad, holding his hand, telling him you love him and thanking him for everything he’s done for you, is the greatest gift you will ever give him. He will know you are there, he will be comforted and his love for you will be boundless. You are not useless. This is the last act of love from you to your Dad, keep talking to him, holding his hand and just being there with him. You may not think it now, but it is a gift and a blessing to be able to sit with each of our parents as they die. When you look back at this terrible time of sadness, you will be comforted and glad that you were there for your Dad. Look after yourself, you are braver and stronger than you think, your love for your Dad will get you through this. Sending hugs. x
I’m so sad to read your obvious pain and worry over your dad and his passing! I sat with my own father , watched his body become ravaged by cancer till he was a mere shell! Part of me wanted his suffering to end and part of me just didn’t want to face losing him. Even tho I knew he was dying and he passed peacefully, I was still so shocked when it actually happened.
The fact that you are there is enough … you are doing all you can … and that is all you can do! Even if you think he can’t hear you just tell him all you want to tell him … and don’t be surprised that when he is gone you will still find yourself wishing you said this or that!
Anticipatory grief is such a hard time … I’m thinking of you x