Enormous grief

First time I’ve posted on here and so glad I discovered this site. I lost my partner of 34 years in January so just 12 weeks ago. The grief is overwhelming and quite physical, it carries a real ache and you feel like your heart is broken. I wish here was a pill for it. It’s really hard to let people know how you feel but I’ve read a lot of your messages and so many of your feelings resonate with me. I can’t stop the sobbing on a daily basis and feel so alone. There doesn’t seem a purpose any more but I know I have to be strong. Our home that he put so much into is just a house now and soulless. When anyone asks how I’m doing I shrug my shoulders and say `Hey, you know, still struggling’. Family etc do their best and check in with you on a daily basis but it won’t go on forever. I cared for my partner and was constantly rushing around but now I’ve stopped and don’t know which way to turn, moving from one room to another and wandering what I walked in there for. I’ve got ‘him’ home with me which is comforting and the cemetery that held his service holds a bereavement group once a month which is just like a coffee morning. It’s good to be with like-minded people as we’re all understanding of what we’re going through. I wanted to move away initially as the memories were so painful but how do you start over again in a strange place and having to make new neighbours? Somehow I’d feel like I was betraying my partner if I abandoned our home. Such mixed emotions do your head in honestly! To round it up it’s like BC and AD. I had a life before with ‘him’ and now I have to find a new life ‘after him’.


Hello @Drumbess,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your partner. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,


@Drumbess - you will feel this for some time sadly, the overwhelm is absolutely awful. The loss, the life change, the loneliness is all consuming. I lost my husband of 44 years a year ago and still get these days but thankfully they do get more manageable. You will find a “new” you and learn to navigate this new life. I try and think of all the things I am grateful for and try and keep busy. The best advice is to look after yourself, keep self care going, exercise get out and join a class of some sort. It’s so hard but we have to plod on. Sending understanding hugs

1 Like

Pittstar- thank you so much for making me feel not so isolated and it’s comforting to know that others are feeling your pain’. I cried so much reading other messages yesterday that I couldn’t respond. I am trying to keep busy and the gym is my outlet three times a week. I guess this new me’ will develop at some point but I can’t rush it and I think I need all the hugs I can get so much appreciated.