Entering year two after my husband died. We only found out 2 weeks before that he had stage 4 lung cancer. Had his first chemo on the Friday and died of sepsis on the Sunday, it was that quick we didn’t get time to even talk about it. We were together 49 years. I’ve managed to get through the first year with help of family and friends throwing myself into Zumba and fitness classes, walking and gardening. Everything that keeps me busy and trying to live for the present. But now after a year I’m realising this is me by myself and feeling lonely and this is it. Does it ever get any better?
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Hello @Suzy56,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
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Suzy56 I’m so sorry for your loss. Going into my 18th week without my beloved partner, I am also asking ‘is this it?’ Despite all our efforts, there is always the awful aching void. I hope things get better in time… that we somehow learn to ‘live with it’ x
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I’m 49, I lost my husband at 48, it will be 2 years for me in February as I turn 50 in the January. My husband went to work and never came home. He was 54. That ache, that void, that smile, that voice, it never goes away, the yearning can be debilitating. However, I’ve found glimmers, I’d say things get better, but I’d be completely lying. Life is what you make it now, for you! But that feeling will follow wherever you are. It’s how you learn to manage it that matters. Sending loads of love and hugs xxx
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Thankyou Alex I’ve never shared my thoughts before on anything like this so this is a first for me. I know I’m not the only one who has lost loved ones and a lot are just at the beginning of their journey. I guess it’s just a case of learning to live with the loss and find a bit of happiness along the way.
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Suzy 56
So very sorry for your loss not a journey we all want to be on ,
Lost my father to cancer,he was only diagnosed 2 weeks before he passed away,
Lost my husband October 2022 to a cardiac arrest,and miss him more each day,
Feels like a rollercoaster ride ,
I am a carer for my mum, which is difficult when trying to hold myself together some days,
Hugs, take care,
Susie
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I think JD8369 is right. It’s learning how to manage it and cope w/ it. That’s a learning curve and it takes practice and patience.
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Hi @Suzy56
I think and for me personally I found the first year you are dealing with the shock and processing of it, sadmin etc, 2nd year reality starts to sink in that this is it we are on our own and having to navigate our way in the world again as an individual, our identity becomes questionable, who are we without them? What do we want for our future? How do we pass time? The 2nd year I like to a deep cleansing of the soul, everything comes up but it does get better absolutely because that rawness and utter pain of loss does eventually lessen it’s grip, you learn to live with the grief as you begin to find your feet. You know you can survive it but the other reality, not going to lie, is the sadness and loneliness hits and that’s a whole new form of grief but again with time and effort you can look ahead and think about all the things you would like to do and put a plan together.
Best wishes
Di
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Oops I deleted my reply lol
I found the 1st year is wondering round in a fog, coping and dealing with the shock, funeral, sadmin, etc. 2nd year the sheer rawness and pain slowly loosens it grip and we gain some normality and begin to function, however, this is the time also reality sinks in they are not coming back and we are on our own, we question everything, I liken it to a deep cleansing of the soul, what is the meaning of life, etc. Who am I now? What is my future? How do I pass the time? However not all this is bad, it teaches us how to survive as our own person, do things we have never done before and it’s a time where we realise how precious life is and we only get one shot at it. Loneliness and sadness sinks in 2nd/3rd year but again, it’s learning about us as individuals. I have done more in the 2nd year and met new friends than I have in the last 5 years 
the saying life is what you make it is so true.
It’s like a big jigsaw puzzle that we have to put together, piece by piece. Scary but a bit exciting too
Best wishes
di
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Ditcom 64, thanks for your reply it explains a lot and gives me hope.
Hello Suzy I’m just entering my second year of losing my partner. We had been together for over 30 years. I feel your pain. I too lost him to sepsis which I don’t understand. All I can say is that you will have good days and bad days. Some people who you thought you could rely on have disappeared. I thankfully have a handful of people that I know are there for me. I have just started to do things on my own it’s tough at first but it’s good for the soul. Just take things day by day and be kind to yourself.
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Everyone here is so much younger than I am, so your viewpoint is quite different. I am 94. We were together 64 years and 3 months and 15 days and 4 hours. In that time we spent only 28 days apart. 14 days when his Mom died and 14 days when my Dad died. We were as close as two people can be. He was my everything. Every single thing. We never had an argument. People wonder how we did that and our answer was we listened to each other and found our solution together. We supported each other in our endeavors and cheered each other’s success. I had never been so loved in all my life. He was my wonderful guy. He needed glasses, so off we went to the optometrist. As he was looking into his eyes, he said he had cataracts but he couldn’t operate until he had an MRI of his brain, Off we went to the doctor and the MRI. The result was cancer of the brain and lymph node melanoma. There was nothing they told me that there was nothing they could do but keep him comfortable for the 30 days he would have. He asked me what was wrong and I had to tell him, you are dying Addy. His eyes shifted into love and longing. He said, Is there no hope? I had to say, No. Then this is what he said to me. I don’t want to do this to you. As always, looking out for me. I reassured him that he was not doing this to me; this awful cancer was doing it to us. With that we moved into a hospital room for the next 30 days. We were lucky to be in Mexico because they wanted someone to be with him 24/7. So I got some things from home and moved in with him. A few days before the 30 days were up they removed him from life support because it was something we had discussed earlier. Those last two days, I spent curled up on his hip holding him. His sight was failing, and he couldn’t see me clearly. He said are you still here? I moved in so he could see me better and told him I wan’t going anywhere. He smiled that smile that I Iove. I held his hand and stayed there for the night and the next day the machine keeping him breathing stopped, and he slipped away at 4:10pm May15, 2024. I didn’t loose it until I got home. I have been crying and wailing, and screaming for the last year and 4 months. It is beginning to wain a bit but, I doubt that it will ever stop completely. I only want to be with him. Every night when I crawl into that lonely bed, I hug his pillow and say good night. I want to come home Addy. Well, at 94, how long can it be? I am not afraid. For most of you who are so much younger, I pray that you can stabilize yourselves to the point where you can move on and find love again and a life again that is filled with Joy and Peace and Love. Grieve as you must - your way and as it is released, keep going. Let the Universe lead you to your destiny. With love, Jack
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Hi Suzy, I found year 2 harder than year 1, this is a long and lonely path we are on but yes it does get better because you learn to live with it. When I accepted my husband was not coming back and the coming home to an empty house which I found so hard, I found some acceptance. Cherish your lovely memories and let the tears flow, it helps with the grief. Take care of yourself I know how you feel, be strong and take one day at a time. Linda x
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Hello Luubyloo, I know it sucks, sometimes I’m ok and think I can do this then sometimes it feels like yesterday but everyone is carrying on with their lives. I’m making a decision to get a puppy just need a companion and something to look after.
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Hi yes good days bad days. Some days I feel strong and others I feel Im going to collapse. I feel my heart is heavy. Im trying to do some nice things for myself but thats a struggle some times too. The feeling is hard to explain to people who have yet to experience grief.
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Talking to the person who died is also a normal part of the grieving process. Like with seeing or sensing them, you may find yourself talking to them because your brain has temporarily forgotten they’ve died. Or, you might talk to them because you miss them and you find it comforting to speak to them out loud.
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