envy

Hi there all I sit here at home a house we bought and moved into this very day 11 years ago sadly last November my wife Jane passed away from heart failure due to kidneys disease we had hoped to spend many further years together in our retirement not to be! I now sit here on my own with my little dog counting the hours watching the clock,we were unable to have children during our 43 years of marriage and what relatives I have do not want to know.
I envy anyone out there to as sons and daughters who can help them over their bereavement for me a daughter would have been nice to just be there to hold her hand knowing she was part of Jane sadly not to be.
I envy any couples walking arm in arm hand in hand down the road thinking that was Jane and myself just 7-8 months ago call me old fashioned I’m70 just to have her there on my arm seemed to take troubles away and make us feel young again.
I envy the fact that sons and daughters can be asked to help in anyway me I’m on my own with no one to ask.
It is certainly difficult asking strangers if you can walk arm in arm hand in hand together I may sound a bit odd but those 43 years walking with Jane gave me confidence,consolation call it what you like and would give anything to be doing it now God I bloody miss her .
Again regards MM69

Hi MM, what lovely memories you have, it’s the simple things that come back to us isn’t it. Take Jane with you when your out, imagine her with you walking beside you. I have my Brian with me when out walking in the countryside he loved so much. When I work on his allotment that he was so proud of. I’m going to be in big trouble if I don’t get it right.
So sorry you feel so alone but you know even with family there is no guarantee that they are going to give you support.
My daughter lives in Spain and except to ask me for money I haven’t heard anything from her. My son hasn’t been in touch since the funeral. and Brian’s two daughters have made it clear that they don’t want anything to do with me. Not a word from his four grown up grandchildren either. I have tried phone calls, letters but no reply from either. Never a cross word in thirty years so I’m a bit confused by their behaviour. Never expected this.
Take care MM
Pat xx

Sorry to hear about your wife Jane but take it from me family don’t always do things for you even when asked. My family left me on my own the day after my partners funeral. Two of my sons in the pub ALL day and night. They haven’t done an awful lot for me since then. They never ask how I am or visit me and my sister and her daughter are both alcoholics so they also don’t care. Believe you me it makes you feel worse knowing you have family but they don’t really want to know. I lost my partner of 38 years on the 4th May. Try not to dwell on what you didn’t have and take comfort from what you did. I’m sure you do miss her and probably always will but we both have to try and get on with our lives as best as we can.

Hi MM69,
I was with Simon for 30 years and we were unable to have children so spent our life adopting rescue dogs. He passed away suddenly in November last year, he would have been 50 in April, and I miss him everyday. We used to take the dogs out for a walk together, for the last two years Simon was on a mobility buggy, but I miss that now. Walking them by myself is not the same, so I know what you mean MM.
Take care love Janet xx

Hello MetalMicky
I too lost my Husband to Heart Failure and affected kidneys. I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife.
I can’t add anything to the comments made by the previous wise members but I truly empathise.
I’ve not been very gracious in my grieving, I have to admit and my siblings have well and truly had enough of me, expecting my loss to be something akin to a broken leg that I’ll recover from after a certain timeframe. We didn’t have children either so it’s not as if I have anything lasting to carry my Husband on in life. He had grown children but we now have no connection. I like Pattidots suggestion of thinking your wife is beside you when you go out, I will try this too. Pattidot always seems to have good words to offer.
Keep going MM.
Sending compassionate thoughts.

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