Estranged Fathers Death and the Impact on my life

My parents divorced when I was 4 yrs old and after a bitter divorce battle my father never bothered to see or contact my brother and I. My life growing up was horrendous and from a young age I had to become the adult in our household to our alcoholic mother. See other kids at school growing up in normal families and friends doing things with their fathers devastated me and I grew up a bitter and angry person. Roll on 20 years and in 2004 I find out I have a half brother and sister and that my father died many years before after along battle with cancer. The fact he lived less than 30 miles from me and new he was dying for many years, but never bothered his arse to ever try and reconcile or apologise for his action makes me so angry and Im often brought to tears by his hurtful actions. Was I such a horrible child that he hated me so much?

Hi Gary65,

I’m so sorry to hear all you’ve been through in your life from such a young age. It must have been such a shock to find out that your dad and half-siblings lived so close and that your father had died. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling angry - trying to process what you’ve been through, whilst also facing an unexpected bereavement is an awful lot to wrap your head around.

It sounds like you’re holding in a lot of really powerful emotions and I wonder whether you have sought any support? Some sort of talking therapy might be helpful as you try to process your childhood and your father’s actions. It’s not for everyone, but it might be worth considering.

Take care of yourself,
Online Community Manager