Eternal optimist?

Hello all
I keep telling myself am I an eternal optimist in believing I’ll start to grief for my mum properly? Or is it just that you never grief properly?
I’m living this horrible nightmare day in day out. I go to work 4 days a week and have 4 days of. My life is busy on my days of. I hate what losing my mum has done to me. I don’t know which way to turn.
I got worries about my dad he’s 80 in April. I got a partner I don’t live with who’s driving me insane. She’s lost her mum and we do not support each other as I believe she is suffering silent grief.
I just don’t know how much more I can take

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