Why has grocery shopping become such an ordeal? I started shopping out of town when my husband died because I couldn’t bear to be in the same supermarket we always went to together. It took me over 4 months to even go in it. I just had to go and pick up some essentials there, and literally ran round grabbing what I needed and couldn’t get out fast enough… it was awful.
Does anyone else feel the same or is it just me? I just can’t bear to see other couples together in there, reminding me of what I’ve lost
Lin, I rush through the grocery store like it is on fire. It’s not the couples, it is the food that I no longer purchase because only my husband ate it. All errands are lightening fast and I can’t wait to get back home.
I don’t know what it is, but I think it is quite normal.
Hi @PeachesDixon, yes I agree about the food as well. I miss out as many aisles as possible so I don’t even have to look at certain things he might have bought. Hopefully the pain of it all will lessen for us in time x
I can relate. Spouse and I did food shopping every week. I go alone now, same store because I know where things are. But, it’s an ordeal and the whole day I’m just fried. I can see him walk up the aisle asking me, "Where were you, I was looking for you in aisle such and such "?
@Lin20
The whole couples thing is real, I agree. I had my first experience of “elderly couple envy” in a supermarket! That was way back in 2014 in a supermarket I didn’t know 250 miles from home, days after my husband was diagnosed with an incurable cancer having collapsed whilst away from home. They would have been about 20 years older than me, I can still visualise them. But I knew then that we wouldn’t get what they were experiencing. My husband did very well, I only lost him in August.
I actually gave up on trying to do a supermarket shop today, it was so flippin busy I couldn’t park, so I came home and did an online order for tomorrow, as I’d had an offer thru for free delivery. So you could try doing an online order maybe? Just as an interim measure.
It is normal , I think it is another thing that has changed immensely especially when we did the shopping trips with our loved one. We decided together what to buy, we tututted when the big bar of chocolate or packet of biscuits found its way in to the trolley, we discussed what bottle of wine we wanted, even helped each other to decide which was the best value in loo rolls or laundry liquid.
I have had many shopping trips when I have had to leave the store being very close to tears, or having to force myself to pull myself together without breaking down.
I was going to start online shopping but on reflection it would not be a good thing to do, it would just make me more isolated and reclusive so yes I still go shopping and it is getting easier, it is different to how it was but then everything is different and life has to go on.
Hi @Sarie, I have thought about online shopping but as @penny6 says, I’d never go out at all. I maybe just need to stick at shopping out of town for a while. There’s also less chance of bumping into people you know. It’s hard enough without having to stand around making small talk!
I agree. Shopping is so hard… Still… and I’m 2 years 3 months in.
My husband didn’t shop with me… He was too poorly in the end anyway … But all the food shopping I ever did was for him more than me…
I was /am a vegetarian. He was a traditional meat and 2 veg man.
But I educated him a lot with other meat/fish dishes. I adored cooking and loved cooking for him.
I can honestly count on one hand the number of meals I’ve cooked since he died, and the number of times I’ve used a saucepan!
Supermarket shopping one of the hardest things to do… Just see all around you the things bought in the past, the memory of the meals made… All so heartbreaking
When I first went shopping after my husband died I went to a shop we rarely used. I won’t say it was easy shopping by myself, it felt so strange but at least I did not have memories of us shopping in that store.
When I later went to a supermarket we used, that was difficult.
In particular at the till, we had a routine and our individual roles. It was just me and it took me so long to unpack the basket and then pack the shopping into the bags. I could see the queue behind me.
I think this is one of the many difficulties that you never think about before you lose your loved one.
The other thing really difficult, that no one can anticipate or understand if you haven’t lost a partner is doing the washing/laundry
The very first time I literally broke down.
But I’m okay now (most of the time) but this is because I wear a lot of his clothes. I have literally worn an item of his clothing every single day since he died. It helps wearing it, and it helps when emptying the washing machine and hanging it up to dry… It feels like I’m still washing for him
@Cathphil
I wear my hubby’s clothes too. Glad I’m not alone in that.
He was a size bigger typically but we both wore a lot of similar stuff, sporty gear. I’d already had hand me downs when he put on weight from years of chemo, even some cargo shorts.
I sleep in his t-shirts, and may use others for exercise if I get back to the gym. Have been wearing a couple of his fleeces. Men’s clothes have better zip pockets too, good for carrying a phone.
As you say it keeps him close.
I know how you feel . My beloved passed away 10 months ago. Its been really diffcult for me going into my local grocery where we used to shop together. I still cry inside the shop. Even now i just want to go and get what i have to get and just go. I just get all nervy and wanting out in a hurry. Once i get inside the car i start crying as i miss him so much.
