Hi broken
Try not to be so hard on yourself. We all grieve in our own way and time and what is right for one person isn’t for another. I’m sure your husband would be proud of you whatever you did. As to be sitting at the bottom of the wall, there is always another day.
It’s been just over a year now since Ian passed away and I’ve decided to just do what is right for me. I take each day as it comes, text Ian twice a day and sometimes I’m over that wall and others, I’m back at the bottom again. I think about him constantly and take him with me wherever I go.
As to the future, who knows where I will be. I know Ian won’t be with me and that is something I’m really struggling to accept. Please don’t feel the need to ever apologise for expressing your feelings as this is what this site is for.
Take care,
X Julie
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Hi Julie…I know just exactly what’s its like.its 11 months since I lost my Wonderfull Husband.allthough it seems like yesterday.
I know how much he loved me and wouldn’t want me to sit alone sad and at the bottom of the wall.
He is with me wherever I go whatever I do.
Some days are worse than others but I try to do my best as I know that’s what he would want.
I miss him every second of every day…
But as I say he is with me always…Xx
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Hi thank you for your reply . It really helps to know other people understand . I also feel like I have a black cloud over my head all the time . And it is so hard to see infront of me . I’m so scared of what is in front of me . A long lonely life with nothing or no one . That feeling you get when you know you are special to that one person you love with all your heart body and mind . And now you are nothing to no one . I know I must try and pick myself up . And there is only me that can do that . But the help I get from people posting replies to me does make me feel a little better and gives me a bit strength to carry on . Hope you are doing the best you can . Thinking of you and sending a hug . Xtake carex
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Hi thank you for your reply . I understand what you say and it does help me . I just think I will have to try a little harder but if I fail just try again and not get as upset as I am . I carry my love for husband every second of every day . And hopefully he does know . Putting my true feelings on these posts help me a great deal . And getting good feed back from them makes this life a little easier . Hope you are as good as you can be xtake carex
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Hi Broken
I feel same as you like most of us today I have been half way up the wall tonight I will be back at the bottom when I go to bed as we all do I do not feel it is getting easier these sunny days when couples are out together enjoying them selves and we are struggling with out our love one with us no we can not look to future like you don’t feel there is on it’s a very lonely future will we ever be even half as happy as we was I don’t see it we are all trying to make out love one proud it’s tough day by day is all we can do it’s horrible
Thinking of you all xx
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Hi rose . I know it’s horrible worst thing ever . But I know it does help knowing people understand how I feel . And get me . I don’t have any friends me and hubby were always enough for each other . Of course when we were young we were always out . Enjoying our selfes and with friends . But when we decided to have kids . They were our world and we had each other . But that was a long long time ago and friends just drift away . But I would never change the way we lived our life together we were always so happy and laughed a lot . So posting on here and talking to you and others help me . Because I class you all as friends now . Hope for a better weekend . And hope you sleep well . Love to you and everyone. Xtake carex
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I went to a garden centre with a friend today for coffee. There were a couple near us who were obviously having words and she got up and walked off. I really wanted to say to her don’t, you never know when that love will be taken away from you, and how you will regret every moment of anger.
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@Broken2222 your post hit a chord with me too. Sharon and I met in our teens, married in 2 years, and shared a single soul. The devastation and kiss after 44 years with my girl is beyond words - but I’m beginning to understand I’m not the only person living this torture, and maybe while nothing can ease it, at least understanding helps…
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@debbie57 I know, I have to stop myself saying something to people doing tbat. Despite everything I did for my girl, I have totally crushing guilt for being exasperated with her for 2 minutes over blankets 11 days before she passed (it wasn’t her, it was the situation as I explained, and we kissed and made up within minutes); totally illogically I know, but it was the only time despite everything I did 24/7 for 3 years - but despite the logic, the guilt is crushing.
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@Rose45 totally get that. It’s like the Julia Roberts film where he reads the poem “Stop the Clocks”; I’m at our holiday home preparing it to sell and both clocks have stopped, but there is no point in restarting them. How can all these other lives continue, don’t they know Sharon has gone?
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Oh Dennis that is so sad it is devastating for you having to sell your holiday home and the clocks stopped our lives do feel as if every thing had stopped for us that we loved I had to sell my husband camper van we had lovely trips away together I could not keep it sad letting it go but more sad living with out our love one beside us sharing every thing know one knows what it is like unless they have lost the one that was our best half just ticking along
Take care best you can x
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@Broken2222 yes, the wall is a good description, I look at is at though just floating in black space, but in a never ending nightmare that no matter what happens, I’ll always be stuck, same as your wall…
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@rose45 thanks, and I’m sorry you had to sell your camper. The thing with this house is everything here reminds me of Sharon - it’s not that I don’t want to remember, she’s always in my mind, it’s that I keep touching things and realised that she touched them last, or put them there. I’d never spent a single second in this house without her, and when we came here we’d be inseparable 24/7, whereas in the UK sometimes one of us might have been out somewhere separately. I miss her so much, it just breaks my heart.
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@Lilyboost I know what you mean - no one can possibly understand our torture,if you haven’t lost your soul mate, reason for existing, half of your soul - you simply can’t understand; but yet people seem to insist on “helping” (not) by telling us what to do.
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@JJBee Yes I understand that; I now know maybe how my Dad felt when my Mum died. She was very abusive, especially to me, but now I know he must have loved her so much to have stayed. I know I wasnt there for him, I’d just started a new business, kids etc needing my attention - but he simply went out looking for a new wife, found someone and married her within a very short period, so maybe he didn’t care for my mum anyway… I don’t know, but his wife hates me and listens in when I call him, and he has onset dementia so I’ll guess I never know. But I do know I couldn’t go shopping for a replacement wife like he did, no way, my Sharon was the best and no one could ever replace her…
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